Week 11 of Stay at Home Order - Working from Home

Last time I blogged I said we were at 9+ weeks of stay at home, but I counted wrong and we were actually at 8+ weeks. This week we hit 11 weeks of Stay at Home/Work from Home. When this all started we had no idea it would go on this long. Nobody imagined it would be this long.

Today I'm also 13 weeks post surgery! Then four weeks ago the doctor had to do a little minor cut on the inside of my toe nail and this time I gave myself more time to heal, as much I wanted to go walking or to get on the Peloton. People told me I pushed myself too hard, too soon, last time, so I have tried to be patient.

My Big Toe and Scar

The good news is that I've been cleared by my infectious disease doctor. He said not to come back unless I have an issue. I was so happy and so grateful to him for all his attention and for going with his gut feeling about my toe and sending me to that second MRI.

I'm also grateful to my podiatrist who did the actual surgery to remove the infection from the bone. Look at my toe! The scar is visible across the top, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I actually like it. This scar will be a reminder to me of how close I came to losing my toe and what I have to do in my life to keep that from happening. Namely, to exercise at least four times a week and to watch my carb intake. That is my life from now on until I die. Literally until I die. The less I do it, the earlier I'll die, the more I do, it the longer I'll live. That's all there is to it. 

Week 11 and Week 13. Those are good weeks, significant weeks. I have SO MUCH to be grateful for. I am so grateful to my company who has kept us employed through this all. I'm so grateful for being a part of a newspaper that has been providing Houston with daily news during this pandemic. I am so grateful to my doctors who have helped me get better.

I have been working on practicing gratitude since I've been working at home.

Questions I try to ask myself, or you can see them as writing prompts.

What was the my happiest moment today?

What do I want to do next?

What's my heart's true desire right now?

What do I really really really want?

Refine my mantra...

When death comes I want to quote the poet Mary Oliver in her poem, "When Death Comes."

“When it’s over, I want to say all my life/ I was a bride married to amazement/I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.”

That Jar of Happiness, Part Trois

I'm more than halfway through 2019, but only 6 months to 50. I pulled out the Happiness Jar so I can start keeping a list of the good things happening between my fabulous 49th Las Vegas birthday in February and my Big 5-0 in 2020. Maybe Vegas in my future again??

I hope to do this jar justice these next six months and really keep record of the wonderful things that happen to me. I am so grateful for all the good things these past two years, from the trip to Germany, my new roof, vacations with the kids, a trip to Paris with my BFF Vicki, Las Vegas birthday, trip to NYC and Cali, and my daughter's awesome scholarship to LIU.

I do appreciate everything you've thrown my way Universe! I know not everyone has so much to be thankful for and I appreciate it wholeheartedly.

End of Year Recap

Here I am on the eve of New Year's Eve reflecting on a really hard year that came with sadness, pain, but also gifts and blessings.

I read back on my blog posts from 2018 and I cried a little. I know time heals all wounds and as the year has gone by it has gotten easier to cope with the loss of my father.

The thing about losing my father was that it opened up the old wound of losing my mother almost 19 years ago. There's something so final about losing both your parents. It feels like the final step in growing up. Especially for me, who went from parents, to husband, back to having my father in my house and now standing completely alone with my two kids. 

This past year has had interesting discoveries and challenges too. There was the discovery of the, possibly 100 year old, well in my back yard in early May. There was the freak accident when I cut my ankle open the day before Mother's Day, the tree falling on my house, Miranda's surgery on her pilonidal cyst in the summer, and two, not one, times my car keys were destroyed. Then who can forget my heart misdiagnosis of WPW and sick sinus node that ended up being a weird heart, unlike any heart they had seen before. That was actually pretty cool.

There were the trips. One to California alone to see my sister and another to Paris with my best friend, and two trips to Wimberley and the Hill Country with my kids for Spring Break and Summer.

And the best gift I could have given myself this year, my Peloton bike that has changed my relationship with exercise and is reshaping my body, slowly but surely.

This year was a challenging year at work, but I overcame the tough months and I had a lot of good ones and some good bonuses. What I have is a career, not a job, and I am grateful for that. 

I am so thankful for family and friends. I know I am very fortunate to have as many close friends as I do. Not just regular friends. Friends who I love and trust. I know that is rare. I love my sisters and my niece and nephews so much. My two kids Miranda and Seth are godsends so far. They are such good kids over-all. I couldn't have wished for two better kids who do well in school and are respectful and kind. 

One of the best gifts I've been given these past couple of years is to become a great-aunt and to learn that it feels very similar to becoming a grandmother. Who would have known! We welcomed a healthy beautiful new great-niece into our family in October of this year. 

From my family to yours, I wish you a Happy New Year. May you get all that your heart desires in 2019. 

My Two Words for 2018

I have spent the first day of 2018 resting, reading and meditating on my plan for the year. I've meditated a little longer than planned, but it's all good. Things will get done while I'm on vacation this week.

My Harper Lee candle that my beautiful niece Hannah gave me, lit to send me some positive energy to my creativity and writing, The little typewriter because of course, writing

So here are the words for 2018: Evolve and commit. I am evolving. Every year that passes from freeing myself of long held beliefs, I evolve. I am finding my spiritual center. I remember the words I read on my last birthday at Mr. Martin's niche, "to put my trust and faith in my own mind, to live and die free." I am evolving every day to do just that. 

To commit covers SO many things. I want to commit to this evolution, to my spiritual journey, to my health, to my children and to my career. I am committed.

2017 was a challenging year in many ways but I also have A LOT to be grateful for. I read through my happiness jar and I was reminded of all the wonderful things that happened this past year, like my kids are alive and well, despite an illness. I'm grateful for our amazing summer trip to Germany, a new roof over our heads, and so much more.

So WELCOME 2018. I have faith in you. I believe that this will be a good year and one of the best in a long long time. 

A Roof Over Our Heads & Other Things

Hurricane Harvey came and flooded thousands of homes in Houston. I was very fortunate that I wasn't one of those homes. However a day or two after the storm, as we continued to have rain, a piece of my kitchen ceiling came crashing down. I had a weak spot on my roof and the rain was too much for it. I knew I needed a new roof but I had been putting it off. Harvey forced me to make an important decision; to sell my house or to stay in it at least until Seth graduates. I chose to stay.

Jar of Happiness to be Opened on New Year's Eve

The home and property values have really gone up in our neighborhood and I'm constantly being approached by people asking if my house is for sale. I know that I'm sitting on a huge lot and a half, and that they aren't looking at my house. They're looking at my property size and the fact that I'm on a corner. These buyers can build two tall town houses on my lot to sell for double the amount they are probably trying to offer me. However I don't know that I'm ready to sell. Miranda graduates from high school in a year and a half and Seth in five. So I decided to roof the house and stay for 5 more years. 

I told the kids that the saying, "All you need is a roof over your head," is very true. Think about it. If you have a roof over your head, protecting you from the rain and inclement weather, you don't need anything else. All your possessions inside your house and you are safe. So I fixed the roof to have a roof over our heads and everything else will fall into place. Who knows, maybe I'll make more money this year and I'll be able to progressively fix the house. 

The kids and I started this "Jar of Happiness" in January. Every time something good happens we write it down and put it in the jar. Miranda and I do it a little more than Seth, I have to remind him to do it, but we do. This year we have a lot to be happy about. 

In June I received a promotion and more pay to move over to another team as an Account Manager. It's been a whirlwind 6 months but I love it. I'm definitely challenged more on this account desk and it's stretching me professionally. I've also been chosen recently as our team's mentor for new team members. I'm really excited to have this leadership role on our team.

When I decided to roof the house and to stay here a friend of my ex-husband, who didn't even know me, offered some extra help to roof the house. I am forever grateful for the kindness of this man and for my ex husband who over-saw the whole thing and did a lot of work himself. He's been replacing the wood trim all around my house, which isn't easy work. He's a great co-parent!

There are a lot of other things that happened in between. Daddy had seven falls in a row, almost one every other week. He went through a few weeks of physical therapy and he's doing much better. One of his legs was weaker than the other but the physical therapy really worked. Grateful for the wonderful physical therapist Shannon. Daddy turns 94 in March, God willing. 

As we got closer to the end of the year I finally got to meet my beautiful great-niece Kindread last weekend. I was so in love with that beautiful girl! She looks like a mix between her mama and her daddy. She shares her daddy's and my curly hair and our under-bite. Too cute!

Yesterday I received another wonderful gift. My beautiful, favorite niece (and only one) had a baby boy and named him Nicholas after his great-grandfather. You could tell my dad was pleased because when I showed him a picture he said, "Is that my tocayo?" Tocayo is the Spanish word for someone who has the same name. 

So here I am at the end of another year. It's been a long time since I blogged because I've been experiencing a little bit of writer's block. I have been so very overwhelmed and trying to over come a lot of the anxiety that I mentioned in my last post. Things have been better and I'm hanging in there. 

I have a lot of plans for the new year. Some of the same ones I've  had in the past. I want to eat better, exercise more, refinance my house, work on my finances and get my kids through the second semester. 

High school applications were filed in time for the boy and we find out where he was accepted around Spring Break. I didn't write about it this year but yes, we applied to DeBakery, Carnegie for Vanguard, Lamar and Heights. The boy has been doing really well! He's taking 9th grade Algebra and Science. 

Once we get him off to high school it will be time to start college applications for the girl. Hard to believe. I have a blogs on here when I was applying for elementary school for Miranda! Next year this time I'll be in the thick of college applications with her!

Yes, we have a lot to be grateful for. Our health, a roof over our heads and wonderful brains in these two kids. I'm happy. 

My Life Lesson in True Gratitude

A few weeks ago as I drove up to my house, that I affectionately refer to as Grey Gardens and that my children refer to as the house from Fight Club, something really hit me. My lack of gratitude.

The house 15 years ago when I bought it, before Grey Gardens

As I drove up to my house I thought about how I haven't taken care of this house the way I should have and I felt ashamed. It reminds me of a child who is given everything so they don't take care of their toys or the nice things that they have. I feel a lot like that child. I have had this house for 15 years and even if I haven't been able to fix all the things that need to be fixed, I should at least work on trying to keep it nice.

This house may have lost its luster in the last few years but it's MY house. My house may be imperfect and it may need work but it's mine. I can sell this house or this land if I needed to, or I can choose to keep it. Not many people can say that. I have a roof over my head and it's a roof over my children and my elderly father.

I think about women all around the city, nation, state and world who have to live in women's shelters. I know that I'm grateful that I don't need to do that, but do my actions reflect my true gratitude?

My word for 2017 is "Order" and that's my goal this year with this house. It's to get it back in order. Just because I can't afford to fix it doesn't mean I can't do other things. I can organize the rooms the way I want them. I can make it look nice with what I have. My second word for the year needs to be "Gratitude" again. I think I really know the meaning of that word now, more so than I did when it was my word in 2014.

I'm grateful in general. I'm grateful for my health, my children's health, their intelligence, the fact that Seth has come such a long way, that my ex is such a great co-parent, my father and his health at his age, my "village" of friends, family and that I have enough to survive.

However, these last couple of years have been hard, but they have also been good for me and for the kids. We've learned not to take money for granted. When I think about it, for many years I steadily made more and more money and I also spent more and more. When they were younger and I was married we had a double income and we never wanted for anything.

Now I've learned to do without and how to be frugal. That's been an important lesson for me. I went from having my parents, to having a double income and I never learned how to take care of myself until now. It's been an important step in really growing up.  Learning true gratitude is a big part of that and inculcating it in my children, so that they learn to truly be grateful when we have more.

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons whether we want to learn from them or not. I've learned that God provides at just the right time and I think that this lesson in gratitude makes me and the children better people. I have faith that if and when we have more in life they are going to look at it with a very different point of view than they did before. I have faith that as they get older and have better opportunities in life they will know when to be grateful. I have faith that I will too.

The Houston Chronicle- Part III

I wrote my last blog post on September 9 about experiencing more and being grateful, then on September 14 I received an offer from the Houston Chronicle to return home.

 

I have worked for the Houston Chronicle for most of my adult life- almost 17 of the 23 years since I graduated. I started right out of college at the tender age of 22, two months shy of my 23^rd birthday. I left at 24 because I thought I wanted to go into teaching. What I ended up doing was working for the University of Houston as the sales manager of the Student Publications department, a perfect combination of advertising and training/teaching.

I returned to the Chronicle at 28 and worked there for the next 14 years in a variety of positions and it was during those years that I gained the most experience about paper, printing, operations, circulation and so many things. I loved the years when I was a project manager for special and new sections.

When I left at 43 I needed a break. A lot of things had happened in my life, like a divorce, my elderly father became ill, maybe a mid-life crisis. I don’t know, but I had the intense desire to take a break and get out on my own. I did that for a little over a year and then it was time to go back to work. An opportunity came up with a community newspaper group and I took it.

It was a good year and a good experience. I learned more. There’s always more to learn, no matter how long you’ve done this.

So here I am on the eve of my 3^rd start, thinking of the things I’ve missed. I missed being a part of something big. I missed that knowledge that every day people fire up their computer and go to chron.com or still go out to their front lawn and pick up their newspaper. I missed knowing that in my little way I was a part of this city’s day. I was part of an institution in this city, part of its 114 year history, and that feeling is awesome. That is why I’ve loved working there all these years. Third’s a charm!

I’m going back this time older and wiser. Questions I wondered about have been answered and I may not have known if I hadn’t left. I had to venture out “daring greatly” to the unknown and I do believe that I’ll be a better employee and leader now.

More than anything, this past year has really been a great lesson in humility, gratitude and budgeting. I have learned to live with so much less in my life and we survived. I tell the kids that all the time and they agree. I lived a year without Starbucks, haircuts, pedicures and internet and it has made a difference. But I can’t lie, once I’m back to where I want to be it will be so nice to get a pedicure and a manicure.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. I feel like I do when the kids are starting the school year, New Year’s and my birthday, when I make or review my goals. I’ve made new goals, both professional and personal and now I need to set out to reach them.

Embracing 45 with Open Arms

I turned 45 last week and I embraced it like a champion. Turning 45 is not going to be something that I will be sad about. Some people don't get the privilege to grow older. So I made it all about gratitude and for 8 days I posted what I was grateful for. I called my week of celebrating my Big 4-5 VD, because my birthday falls right before Valentine's Day.

So here is a compilation of all of my gratitude posts for the week.

Day 1 of Gratitude: Grateful for this amazing beautiful day & for being alive to see it!

Gratitude Day 2 & Day 3: (I forgot yesterday) I am grateful for great friends/family who really surprised me on Saturday & really warmed my heart. Today I'm grateful for my long & interesting career in newspaper, for my small business, that I'm employed full time & for my new PadreCare column with LatinaLista.com.

 — feeling loved.

Day 4 of Gratitude on the Eve of my Big 4-5 VD: I am grateful for my name and my identity. Forty-five years ago my mother didn't know if she would have a boy or a girl but she had my name picked out. I'm so glad she chose such a unique name. She used to tell me that my sisters chose my middle name, Yvette, so I was named Loida Yvette Casares.

Day 5: Today I am grateful to have lived another year. Some people don't get that privilege. I think of my sister Hilda who only had 42 years on this earth and I am humbled and grateful that I got to wake up today. My children got into bed with me, hugged me & wished me a good day. I am blessed.

The celebration continues this week but so does my commitment to show gratitude. Day 6: Today I am grateful for the setbacks that have formed me and made me stronger. Setbacks teach you a very good lesson and remind you that you should never take things for granted when they are good. They make you see all the good things that you do have in your life and what is truly important. And they also show you what you are capable of accomplishing.

 — feeling grateful.

Day 7 of Gratitude. After having attended this luncheon I must say I am grateful for my health, so far, & the health of my children. I heard stories about experiences children have had with heart disease & damage from chemo. I promise not to take this health for granted any more for the years I have left on this earth.

Happy Valentine's Day to Me! Day 8 of Gratitude: I am grateful for ME! For my strength & my resilience that has seen me through so many things in life. 

Yes, I am humbled and grateful to have lived another year. Every year that I live past 42, the year my sister died, will be a celebration of life and I'll wear a strawberry pin in memory of her. 

My Words for 2014

I spent the first few days of 2014 being introspective. I didn't want to just blurt out my words for 2014 without giving them a lot of thought. So here are my words and what they mean to me.

Necklace by Kelly Rae Roberts

Gratitude. For a while now I've really been working on practicing gratitude. When I start getting myself worked up or in a bad mood I have made a conscious effort to stop and to think about all that I have to be grateful for and I know that it's a lot. Especially in this past year when I had this amazing gift of staying home with the kids for the summer, taking them on a vacation they will not forget, and being here for them after school every day, often with dinner started.

Create. When I was thinking about my words I realized that two of them were right in front of me. One of them was Create. I bought myself a beautiful necklace designed by Kelly Rae Roberts with the word Create in the center. Everything I'm doing is about creating. I'm creating a new business and a new life for myself. I'm also being creative with my writing. I am creating art.

Dream. Dream was another word that I had already chosen without realizing it. It is engraved on a plate inside of my Origami Owl charm necklace. I chose the word dream because I have dared to dream bigger with my new business and my new independent life. I still have so many dreams to fulfill.

Passion. Because I couldn't have three words. I had to have four. When I went to look at my Vision Board on Pinterest, and how I could change it for 2014, the word passion just kept popping out at me. And I'm not just talking about romantic passion. I'm talking about passion about life. A long time ago an ad agency gave me an awesome black rubber bracelet like the Live Strong bracelet but instead it said, "Hazlo con Pasion." Awesome words to live by. Do it with passion. Do everything with passion.

 

There you go. Those are my four words for 2014. What are yours?