New Year! New Words! Recommit, Cleanse and Repair

Similar to years past I had a slow start to the year. This time I feel like I trudged through the first two weeks of the year and now here we are, already halfway through January and less than one month from my fabulous 49th birthday. It's the last birthday of my 40s and I plan to celebrate in a grand way.  2019 is going to be a MUCH better year than 2018. I know that sounds cliché but after the 2018 I had, it has to be.

I'm on this quest to reach 100 rides on my Peloton bike before my 49th birthday in February and I'm on ride 84. We still have these balloons so I'm just going to get another zero to give to myself on  the day that I complete my 100th ride. 

When the year started I knew that my one big word was going to be Recommit. It's a word that I heard in April and that I added to my words for the year in 2018. It's such an amazing word because it covers a multitude of things. It came from a quote that I read by life coach, Cara Alwill Leyba. She says to "Recommit as many times as you need to.." But my favorite part is, "Failure is an illusion and the idea that you can't start over will do nothing but keep you in a space of sadness." I love that. 

It's taken 14 days into the month but I finally have the rest of my words. I've thought about what I want out of myself this year, what I hope to accomplish, to find the right words. Hopefully this doesn't sound too much like a skin care regimen. My other two words are cleanse and repair. 

Recommit to my goals, healthy eating, exercise, and all the goals I set for myself monthly and weekly. I'll recommit when I reach them and when I don't.

Cleanse covers so many areas. I want to cleanse my life. I want to start eating clean and I want to clean out my house. I want to pack up all the things that I would find completely essential to take with me if the house were burning down and I only had time to grab a few things. Or all the things I would take with me if I was going to live in a little vintage trailer, like the ones I admire.

Repair. I need to to repair my mind, my soul, my courage, my body and my house. I need to repair myself both spiritually and I need to repair my physical surroundings. I'm tired of living with things in disrepair and only I can be the one to fix those things. 

So there you have it. Recommit, cleanse and repair. I can start 2019 now. What is your one word or your words for the year?

My Life Lesson in True Gratitude

A few weeks ago as I drove up to my house, that I affectionately refer to as Grey Gardens and that my children refer to as the house from Fight Club, something really hit me. My lack of gratitude.

The house 15 years ago when I bought it, before Grey Gardens

As I drove up to my house I thought about how I haven't taken care of this house the way I should have and I felt ashamed. It reminds me of a child who is given everything so they don't take care of their toys or the nice things that they have. I feel a lot like that child. I have had this house for 15 years and even if I haven't been able to fix all the things that need to be fixed, I should at least work on trying to keep it nice.

This house may have lost its luster in the last few years but it's MY house. My house may be imperfect and it may need work but it's mine. I can sell this house or this land if I needed to, or I can choose to keep it. Not many people can say that. I have a roof over my head and it's a roof over my children and my elderly father.

I think about women all around the city, nation, state and world who have to live in women's shelters. I know that I'm grateful that I don't need to do that, but do my actions reflect my true gratitude?

My word for 2017 is "Order" and that's my goal this year with this house. It's to get it back in order. Just because I can't afford to fix it doesn't mean I can't do other things. I can organize the rooms the way I want them. I can make it look nice with what I have. My second word for the year needs to be "Gratitude" again. I think I really know the meaning of that word now, more so than I did when it was my word in 2014.

I'm grateful in general. I'm grateful for my health, my children's health, their intelligence, the fact that Seth has come such a long way, that my ex is such a great co-parent, my father and his health at his age, my "village" of friends, family and that I have enough to survive.

However, these last couple of years have been hard, but they have also been good for me and for the kids. We've learned not to take money for granted. When I think about it, for many years I steadily made more and more money and I also spent more and more. When they were younger and I was married we had a double income and we never wanted for anything.

Now I've learned to do without and how to be frugal. That's been an important lesson for me. I went from having my parents, to having a double income and I never learned how to take care of myself until now. It's been an important step in really growing up.  Learning true gratitude is a big part of that and inculcating it in my children, so that they learn to truly be grateful when we have more.

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons whether we want to learn from them or not. I've learned that God provides at just the right time and I think that this lesson in gratitude makes me and the children better people. I have faith that if and when we have more in life they are going to look at it with a very different point of view than they did before. I have faith that as they get older and have better opportunities in life they will know when to be grateful. I have faith that I will too.

Reflections and Updates on Life

I wish I had something really deep and meaningful to share with all of you, but I don't really. At least nothing that hasn't already been said before or recently.

My husband made an interesting observation today. Our son could very well be Asian at heart. He loves fish, egg rolls, and red chicken. I cracked up because it was all true. Our daughter loves Chinese food too, but I just think that's because I ate so much Chinese and Vietnamese food when I was pregnant with them.

Today when I was on the freeway driving between our two offices I saw a big beautiful butterfly up high on the overpass and I thought it was such a funny and uncommon sight. I wondered what the butterfly was doing up so high and over a freeway. It reminded me of the butterfly in You've Got Mail that goes inside the subway.

Tomorrow I'm going to my college Homecoming. It's been years since I've been to one and lately I've been feeling kind of bad for not having better school spirit for my Alma mater, especially when they are doing so well in football. So tomorrow is the day I will revisit my old university stomping grounds. I'm even going to tailgate! I've never done that before. Should be interesting and fun. To do something like that I reached out to my college friends who I know have the most school spirit for instructions. I'll let y'all know how it goes. I may even post pictures of me in my UH t-shirt. But I WON'T be wearing a mum! LOL! Remember those? I used to love mums when I was in high school.

Speaking of Alma maters, I found out yesterday that one of my old high school classmates, and member of the football team, passed away. Apparently he had very serious diabetes and he'd lost an eye and part of his foot. AT THIRTY-NINE!! Amazing! I can't believe people my age are starting to die from diseases. Usually it's a car accident. Makes you think of your life and your health.

And speaking of healthy people, living long and car accidents. Many of you ask me about my dad and wonder how he's doing after that horrible beating that he received almost a year ago. He has recovered really well from his hip replacement surgery and walks almost 100% normal. There is a very slight limp there, but it's almost impossible to detect. He also started driving again. He never stopped driving because someone told him he couldn't drive. It was self-imposed. Many people don't know that so they are always shocked when I tell them that he's driving. Two of my sisters have been brave enough to ride with him and they report that he drives OK. Thank goodness!

Okay. I'm about to make a decision about the house. We are either going to knock it down and rebuild or we're going to seriously remodel. Something has got to happen in 2010. I mean, I want to get something started first thing in January or sooner. (is that a word?) I need to figure out where we'll live if we knock down. I still wish Rey would agree to build a garage apartment or cottage first so we can have somewhere to live. Then later we can either 1. Rent it out, 2. His parents can live behind us or 3. My father can live with us as he gets older. The man will be 86 in March.

Another thing. My weight is standing completely still. It doesn't want to go anywhere. I think it's because I'm going to be forty. It's probably because I drink too much. But I have this terrible fear that if I don't lose more weight soon it will be even more impossible to lose it after forty. I'm tired of saying I'm going to do something about it. I really need to do something soon. Like in the next four months soon! Wow, I've been using the word "soon" a lot today.

I've lost 40-45 lbs since 2007, but I would really like to lose more. Always more! I think the best thing about losing weight is that people are saying I look younger. Thus the dreaded forty doesn't seem so bad if I'm a smaller forty year old.

My son has been doing beautifully in school, I am happy to report. He has his good days and his bad days, but for the most part he is doing really well. He's learning! And that's the most important part. He went on his first ever field trip on Tuesday to the Oil Ranch. I chaperoned. It was a blast and I was tired too.

My daughter is still the big ol'nerd like me but way smarter. She is so self-disciplined. It's beautiful!

Okay, so that's it for me. I have blogged. I need to blog more I know. I need to think of a better topic next time, but it's good to update you all on my life every once in a while. That's why I started this blog five years ago anyway.