Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Back to Restriction and Eating Healthy

Magnet by Anne Taintor

I guess I've posted this image before because it was in my files. Today it's appropriate because I'm going to get a fill tomorrow.

Almost four weeks ago I got really tight, like abnormally tight. I couldn't get anything down. I had been sick and I'd had a lot of sinus drainage. It was affecting my lap band too. So I went in to have some fluid taken out of the band. When I got there I realized that I hadn't been there in 6 months and I hardly even lost any weight. What a waste of time!

The crazier part is that I was so tight most of the time. It doesn't even make sense. The only think I can attribute it to is that since I couldn't eat most of the day my body thought it was starving. So when I could finally eat late in the evening I ate too much and my body held on to all my fat.

On top of that I had the umbilical surgery at the beginning of August and I couldn't really work out for four weeks. Four weeks turned into eight and then twelve. That can happen so easily.

So I had them take out .7 cc from the band and I was able to eat for a change. It was a nice break. I still haven't eaten breakfast or even tried. I only have coffee and a protein shake. I've been having a more "normal" lunch and dinner. Not every day, but it's been nice to have some flexibility in my diet. Some days I still only have soup for lunch and a small dinner.

Tomorrow I go back in to get tightened up again. It's time! I had a good break. I ate some things I had missed, like Kim Son Vietnamese and Sawadee Thai. Now it's time to get back on the wagon. I'm going to get a fill tomorrow, but I'm going to tell them to only put .3 cc back. I think it's a good half way point. I'm going to see how that works.

This whole process has been an interesting journey. I've actually learned a lot about myself and my addictions. I have addictive behavior. I've pretty much recognized that about myself. I transferred some of my addiction to food to other things. I recognize that what I need to work on is my addiction instead of what I'm addicted to. I believe that recognizing this about myself has been the most valuable benefit of the lap band. I also believe that realizing this and admitting it is very healthy of me. It is one of the things that I want to change about myself as I enter forty.

Every time I think about this I think about what my lap band doctor told me the day before my surgery. He said, "Some people get a lap band here (pointed at his stomach) but they don't get a lap band here (pointed at his head)." That has stayed with me every since.

I know I have been less than perfect. I could have lost more weight, and I still can. I just need to find my groove again and I will get there. I need to get back to the gym. I know what I need to do. Get off my butt and exercise!

My husband has been following a vegetarian diet with fish and it's working really well for him. I need to support him in his endeavor and in the process I too will feel healthier. I've already cut all bread and rice from my diet. I can cut meat now too. Fish is so good for you!

So that's my plan. To cut all red meat and chicken out of my diet and to start exercising on a regular basis again. I'm putting it out there so I can be more accountable.

The next 3 days will be my kick in the butt. After a fill I have to stay on liquids for two days and then soft foods for the third day. That's always tough but it's what I have to do when the lapband and therefore my stomach has been moved. It's also a good launching pad into increased restriction. So we shall see!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Reflections and Updates on Life

I wish I had something really deep and meaningful to share with all of you, but I don't really. At least nothing that hasn't already been said before or recently.

My husband made an interesting observation today. Our son could very well be Asian at heart. He loves fish, egg rolls, and red chicken. I cracked up because it was all true. Our daughter loves Chinese food too, but I just think that's because I ate so much Chinese and Vietnamese food when I was pregnant with them.

Today when I was on the freeway driving between our two offices I saw a big beautiful butterfly up high on the overpass and I thought it was such a funny and uncommon sight. I wondered what the butterfly was doing up so high and over a freeway. It reminded me of the butterfly in You've Got Mail that goes inside the subway.

Tomorrow I'm going to my college Homecoming. It's been years since I've been to one and lately I've been feeling kind of bad for not having better school spirit for my Alma mater, especially when they are doing so well in football. So tomorrow is the day I will revisit my old university stomping grounds. I'm even going to tailgate! I've never done that before. Should be interesting and fun. To do something like that I reached out to my college friends who I know have the most school spirit for instructions. I'll let y'all know how it goes. I may even post pictures of me in my UH t-shirt. But I WON'T be wearing a mum! LOL! Remember those? I used to love mums when I was in high school.

Speaking of Alma maters, I found out yesterday that one of my old high school classmates, and member of the football team, passed away. Apparently he had very serious diabetes and he'd lost an eye and part of his foot. AT THIRTY-NINE!! Amazing! I can't believe people my age are starting to die from diseases. Usually it's a car accident. Makes you think of your life and your health.

And speaking of healthy people, living long and car accidents. Many of you ask me about my dad and wonder how he's doing after that horrible beating that he received almost a year ago. He has recovered really well from his hip replacement surgery and walks almost 100% normal. There is a very slight limp there, but it's almost impossible to detect. He also started driving again. He never stopped driving because someone told him he couldn't drive. It was self-imposed. Many people don't know that so they are always shocked when I tell them that he's driving. Two of my sisters have been brave enough to ride with him and they report that he drives OK. Thank goodness!

Okay. I'm about to make a decision about the house. We are either going to knock it down and rebuild or we're going to seriously remodel. Something has got to happen in 2010. I mean, I want to get something started first thing in January or sooner. (is that a word?) I need to figure out where we'll live if we knock down. I still wish Rey would agree to build a garage apartment or cottage first so we can have somewhere to live. Then later we can either 1. Rent it out, 2. His parents can live behind us or 3. My father can live with us as he gets older. The man will be 86 in March.

Another thing. My weight is standing completely still. It doesn't want to go anywhere. I think it's because I'm going to be forty. It's probably because I drink too much. But I have this terrible fear that if I don't lose more weight soon it will be even more impossible to lose it after forty. I'm tired of saying I'm going to do something about it. I really need to do something soon. Like in the next four months soon! Wow, I've been using the word "soon" a lot today.

I've lost 40-45 lbs since 2007, but I would really like to lose more. Always more! I think the best thing about losing weight is that people are saying I look younger. Thus the dreaded forty doesn't seem so bad if I'm a smaller forty year old.

My son has been doing beautifully in school, I am happy to report. He has his good days and his bad days, but for the most part he is doing really well. He's learning! And that's the most important part. He went on his first ever field trip on Tuesday to the Oil Ranch. I chaperoned. It was a blast and I was tired too.

My daughter is still the big ol'nerd like me but way smarter. She is so self-disciplined. It's beautiful!

Okay, so that's it for me. I have blogged. I need to blog more I know. I need to think of a better topic next time, but it's good to update you all on my life every once in a while. That's why I started this blog five years ago anyway.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Take the Compliment and Run!

Notebook design by Anne Taintor.

Something happened tonight that hadn't happened in a long time. My five year old little boy fell asleep in my arms while watching a movie. I took a moment to enjoy the moment before carrying him to bed. I know that those moments are very short lived and for one, I won't be able to carry him to bed much longer when he gets heavier. I am practicing living in the moment and appreciating what I have before it's gone.

Whenever I talk to friends, and even to my husband, they often say to me, "You have to blog about that."

Of course when the time comes for me to blog I can't remember a any of those topics. I need to make a note in my blackberry each time that happens. So now that I remembered one thing I have to blog about it.

Thursday night at my meeting I complimented a friend like I often do and she did something that I've noticed she always does. So I pointed it out to her. Almost every time I pay her a compliment she says, "Thank you but..." and she goes on to list some imperfection.

"Why do you do that?" I asked her, "Why can't you just accept the compliment and then bask in its greatness?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. She mentioned that maybe it's because her self esteem is low right now.

We do that. Women that is. We can't just accept the compliment and say, "Thank you!" and then feel fabulous. She agreed and then she suggested that I should blog about it.

This week I am going to practice that. I am going to say, "Thank you!" and I will not follow it up with any type of excuse about my love handles, inner thighs, or double chin. OK, you get the picture. There I go again, admitting "all kinds of things" about myself.

But seriously, take the compliment and run. We all have gifts and talents. We are all unique. We need to celebrate that. We are our own worst critic when we should be our best cheerleader.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Turning 40 Reflections

Design by Anne Taintor

I'm still four months away from turning 40 and yet I find that I have really been reflecting on my life and what I've done thus far. What's scary about that is that I am still four months away and I wonder how I'll react when I finally do hit the big 4-0, technically the half way point of my life. Since my mom died at 69 and my dad is still alive at 85, forty is a good average age of my half way point.

Several of my friends turn forty this year too. My cousin, who was my closest childhood friend, turns 40 in a couple of weeks. My childhood best friend turned 40 in August and my elementary school best friend turns 40 this month. My middle school-college best friend turns 40 in December. Another middle school-college friend is having a big group birthday party with a bunch of friends who all turned 40 in 2009.

Lately I'm really interested in all my friends who are turning 40. I wonder how they are all taking this milestone. I wonder what they are really thinking and feeling. Are they freaked out or are they taking it in stride?

I think that what's freaking me out the most is that I feel like I still have so much I haven't done. I feel selfish saying this sometimes because I have done more than a lot of people and I completely appreciate this. I have two beautiful brilliant children and a husband who loves me. I've traveled a lot. I have an interesting job and I work for an exciting company and other things for which I am thankful. And yes I am thankful, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting more.

In the next four months I will be revising my goals and I will be really thinking about what I still want out of life. Writing plays a big part of it and will continue to play a big part of my future until I really give it the time that it deserves. I'm going to revise the timeline attached to each of those goals. The top of the list after writing will be my health and my home. I need to make a decision regarding this house. Will I remodel or rebuild? Once and for all I need to decide.

I think we should all take the time at least once a year to review our goals. I usually do mine at the end of the year and then review them again on my birthday in February.

In the past week I have taken two really thought provoking tests. One was the StrenthsFinder 2.0 test, which I was encouraged to take at work. StrengthsFinder 2.0 says my Top 5 Strenghts are: Communication, Learner, Activator, Woo, and Input. Woo means I love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. Activator means I'm impatient for action. Input and Learner both have to do with my love for learning and archiving what I learn. And well, Communication is pretty self explanatory. I am the master communicator. It even says that I am comfortable admitting "all sorts of things" about myself. I guess that's why I'm a blogger and a writer.

A few days ago I also took the life purpose test in the November issue of O Magazine. The test is "Who Are You Meant to Be? Self Assessment Test." My highest score was in Style #3- Striving to be Creative. I was not surprised by that response. What was funny was that FOUR areas all tied for second place. These were: Recognized, Spontaneous, Knowledgeable, and Secure.

Now I'm going to take all these latest finding about myself and I'm going to think about how they fit into my new goals for 40+.

When I was twenty-five my older sister died of cancer. She was only forty-two. Now I am about to be forty and I realize even more how fragile life can be.

Henry David Thoreau said, "Live the life you have imagined." Are you?

So, what are your goals for the coming year? What have you accomplished in your life?