September flew by and I'm SO EXCITED that it's October. Bring on the cool weather! Today I did something small, that is actually quite huge. I hung this Halloween wreath, that my daughter made, on my door.
Most of you may look at this and wonder why it's a huge step for me until I tell you that I've never decorated for Halloween in my 53 years of life. I've never put up a wreath like this, announcing to every person that comes to my door that I celebrate Halloween.
Even though I've posted photos of myself in costume, at my friend's house giving candy to kids and such over the years, there's something more personal and significant about me hanging this wreath on the door to my home. It's a message to everyone that I will never be a part of my old religion again and that I don't care who knows it.
I struggled even saying that this is huge, because by saying it, I feel like I'm giving my old religion more importance and power than I should. It suggests that I'm still controlled in some way. I told my daughter this and she pointed out that there's nothing wrong with acknowledging it, because the religion was such a big part of my life for so many years. It's natural to feel something.
“I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer.” - Collette
Everything in my past shaped who I am and by leaving an organized religion I learned how strong I was. I didn't realize how strong, until I had to discuss it with my elderly father. As the youngest daughter, and the last, to leave the religion that was a hard conversation to have.
So if I could have that conversation with a person I loved, if I could disappoint him, and stand by my decision, I can hang this wreath on my door.