Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Hurrah! At Last I'm 42

No, not really...I'm not excited that I'm turning 42 in a week and a half. If anything, I'm terrified. You see, my sister died when she was 42 and now that has become a big milestone for me. It makes me aware of my own mortality.

I was 25 when we lost Hilda and 42 seemed so old to me then. It was a grown up and I did not feel like a grown up at that point in my life. I had just spent a month penniless in Spain that summer prior to her death. Penniless but free of responsibilities, mortgages, house payments, children, debt.. and the list goes on. But I was 25.

Now here I am on the threshold of turning 42 myself and I have never felt less like an an adult. I feel like I can't get my footing on anything, except for those things that include my children. When it comes to the children I'm operating on autopilot. I know what I need to do with them. I know that their education is important and I'm doing all that I can to take care of their physical and emotional needs.

However, I don't know what I'm doing with myself. I've written down my goals but I haven't written out a plan on how I'm going to get there. Now as my birthday looms above me I know that a plan is in also in order. I need to "plan my work and work my plan," as an ad VP used to say to us all the time.

I don't want to be "a wandering generality." I want to be "a meaningful specific." (Zig Ziglar) Only I can make that change. Lately I'm feeling more like a wandering generality that has lost her way. I need to find my way back to my original path in life and I need to plan how I'm going to do that.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dentures Part Deux and Camp Adventures

I went back to the dentist last week to have my permanent crown removed and to have a new temporary put on. The dentist started off with the usual two shots and quickly realized that he needed to give me two more shots. Yes, four shots total. I still had the lump on Thursday.

Despite the pain and the lump I must admit that this temporary crown has been 100% better than the last one. I've been able to eat just fine. I'm kind of disappointed. I was hoping I would lose another 7 lbs this time from lack of eating. Instead I've been able to eat just fine. Not good.

So my daughter left to camp on Tuesday morning and I have now survived 3 evenings without her. I haven't freaked out in worry that maybe I didn't tell her enough or prepare her enough. I didn't want to nag her before going. I wanted to be the cool mom. But as soon as she was gone and friends told me I did a good job with her, I started thinking of all the things I didn't warn her about before leaving. I'm a mom. I do that.

We got a camp update when they arrived Tuesday at noon and then again Wednesday through the bad weather day. Then today we didn't have an update. I thought I had missed it because my work email was down. Turns out they didn't send one out today. Probably because the day was so beautiful.

My daughter promised to write me a letter each night about her trip and what they did. I hope she remembered to do that. That way she'll also record her adventure so she can remember it in the future.

She comes home tomorrow. I will survive the work day before going to pick her up, taking her in my arms, and hugging her tight.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Just Get Me Fitted for My Dentures Already

I'll never forget when two of my older sisters informed me that my teeth were old now and that I would start getting crowns soon because we inherited both our parents' bad teeth. I promptly had to get my first crown right before I turned 40. Love them!

Let's start with my molar issues that started a couple of weeks prior to my vacation. Anyone who knows me knows that nothing is ever simple in my life. Just because the first two crowns I had were non-complicated did not mean that they would all be that way.

So my third crown was a nightmare. In a nutshell I had to have 8 shots and finally some gas because I had a little break down and cried because of the stress. (yes, I said cried) Turned out the crack was right on a nerve. So every time the dentist would drill I could feel it and he had to keep giving me more shots. Then I choked on the water and had to sit up and that's when the tears just flew out of my eyes. When I started crying he decided I needed a little gas to calm me down.

After that bad experience the temporary crown came loose two days later and I had to go in to have it replaced. If that wasn't enough it started to crack on the last couple of days that I had it on, but I just hung in there until the appointment when I was having the permanent crown inserted. Even after the pemanent was put it in I didn't feel right. I kept telling the dentist that it didn't feel right.

When I went back in for my cleaning the week I was on vacation we found out that it wasn't the right size. Of course it wasn't! After he gave me 8 shots that first visit my gum and my mouth were totally swollen. I looked like I had been punched in the face that day. (I had to go to Kroger looking like that because it was our turn to provide the snack for M's Odyssey of the Mind meeting and I got all kinds of weird looks.) The point is that if my mouth was that swollen I can understand why he didn't get an accurate mold of my molar.

What does all this mean? I have to go back in now to have it done all over again. This time they are going to have to break the permanent crown to remove it. I am so not looking forward to the torture.

On a good note, I lost around 7 pounds because I couldn't eat. Maybe I'll lose another 7 lbs when I have all this work re-done. That reminds me, I need to call them to make an appointment for next week.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Just When I Thought I Could Have a Life...

What? One post in one month and then two posts back to back? Yes, I actually have a lot to say now. I've been kind of quiet lately because I was kind of hibernating for the winter. No, seriously, I just didn't have much to say. Yes, me, I had nothing to say, unbelievable I know. I was without words. (So get ready to read!)

Now I have a whole lot to say. I actually dared to believe that I could have somewhat of a social life. Yes, I just got back from vacation, where I had a wonderful time and fooled myself into thinking that life could be that simple. I went out a couple of Fridays in a row.  No, I didn't go anywhere on vacation. I just stayed at my house and I took my kids somewhere every day four days out of five. We had a great time.

Museum of Natural Science on Monday, Children's Museum of Tuesday, home with play date for my son on Wednesday, Movies and The Menil on Thursday, and Downtown Aquarium on Friday. But in the midst of all my vacation days I was naive enough to believe that I could actually have a social life. Wrong.

My vacation ended on Monday and that's when I was reminded of how crazy and complicated my life is. Just like clockwork my truck started to break down. I had a low oil warning show up on my dashboard the Sunday before going back so I took it in to my oil place on Monday. They told me that I had a leak. So I turned around and took it to the shop because my ABS light also came on. They quoted me $4,000 worth of repairs on Tuesday. No thank you. I need to buy a new car instead. Now I have to start on the car shopping, which I despise.

Next there's the kids. I thought that it would be great idea if instead of paying for After School care I could save money and ask my niece to keep them. The problem is that she's still in San Diego from her holiday visit. So this week two of my sisters helped with them, then I picked them up today, and tomorrow my sister again. Niece isn't back until Saturday so she can't start picking them up until next week. All this with a half working truck.

Tonight when I took Miranda to her Odyssey of the Mind team meeting I was reminded that they are going to start meeting twice a week now instead of only once. Great! No, really great! :-D (I want to be the supportive mom but I'm also the exhausted mom.) So now they are meeting on Mondays and Wednesday evenings. Yes, evenings, as in after work.

And Miranda informs me today that they gave them the dates for their camp trip. I'm happy for her but I'm so nervous at the same time. This will be the very first time she goes somewhere on her own. I don't want to be my parents. I want to be the supportive cool parent and I want for her to go and to have the experience that I didn't get to have.

Last but not least, this is the week that the Vanguard and Magnet applications are due. We have made our choices for the middle schools. Now we just wait to find out if she gets into her first choice.

Yes, I will need a drink on my free weekend. I'm just ready for my next adventure. I'm sure that something exciting is coming my way, it always does. I wouldn't be me if my life was dull.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Welcome to 2012

Here we are. A new year. New goals, etc... etc...

Now if I could only get my stuff together. Here they are in no particular order. Short and simple.
  1. Teach my children more. Read to them more, do more with them. We are going to start reading "The Catcher in the Rye" together like we read "To Kill a Mockingbird" last year.
  2. Make more money. This will help me achieve the rest of my goals.
  3. Remodel my house. Remodel, remodel, remodel...
  4. Continue on this weight loss and exercise journey.
  5. Edit my novel and self-publish (yet again it's my goal)
So what are yours?