Friday, December 04, 2020

Why We Should Be Talking About Menopause

I've been using the Period Tracker app for the last couple of years. Ever since I wanted to keep up with what months I was skipping and more importantly how many months in a row I went without a period. 



I blogged about menopause and periods and how they shouldn't be taboo subjects in March of 2019 because I hadn't had a period since August of 2018 and the very next month in April I had one. I like looking at the log charts on this app because it tells me exactly when I had a period and when it stopped and started again. It's a great tracker if you're trying to get pregnant and you want to know when you're ovulating, but it's also a great tracker when you're at the end of the road like I am.  I had my last period in October of 2019 and it took me a few months to realize it. 

After my toe surgery I started on my quest to reach 200 rides on my Peloton. I started a count-down on my Franklin Planner. When I got to October to add a 200 sticker to my target date I found a couple of stickers that said "Done!" and "This is big." I was confused because I thought they were in reference to my 200 Peloton rides. Then I realized that I had put those stickers there when I had an idea I would be reaching 12 months without a period by that date. I had put them there as a count-down to the end. You have to skip 12 consecutive months to be considered in menopause and I knew that October 30 was my goal date. 


A year and a half ago I also talked about the veil of secrecy around menopause. I thought it was really interesting that it is a taboo subject because it's related to periods and aging. How can talking about periods, the reason we are all alive, be shameful? I just don't understand why as a society we have created this.

I started doing research about it again for this blog and I found some really interesting articles that speak about the lack of conversation around menopause.  One article from the UK said that women even shy away from talking about it with their doctor. To their doctor! The one person we should feel completely comfortable talking to. In fact, an AARP study found that 42% of women surveyed did not discuss menopause with their healthcare provider. 

I went to my my well-woman exam on the anniversary of not having a period and I proudly told her I had reached the 12 month goal. The nurse looked at me enviously and said, "Wow! So lucky!" The funny thing is, that was it. She made note of it and there was no further discussion about it. I'm not going to lie, I was expecting a little more fanfare. Maybe a cake or balloons? She didn't ask me if I was experiencing side-effects, anxiety, memory loss, nothing... I'm the one that had to tell her that I felt my hair was thinning more than usual and she prescribed a scoop of collagen powder in my coffee every day. It's good for bone density too!

While doing research about why women don't talk about menopause I came across a great article in the Harvard Business Review, "It's Time to Start Talking About Menopause at Work." The article makes such a great point. It says that "menopause often intersects with a critical career stage." Most significantly it occurs at the time of a woman's life when she is most likely moving into a leadership position. The article points out that one of the reasons women don't want to discuss what they are experiencing is because of "ageism." In fact, this is the reason they should be talking about it. We should be helping women work through this difficult time so they can continue to be productive members of the organization. 

When I read about the anxiety, memory loss, fatigue, and depression caused by menopause, I immediately thought about how organizations are preaching about DEI awareness. If corporations and organizations are serious about DEI, ageism needs to be at the top of the list, next to sexism. This is a real issue that affects millions of women every year, possibly 50 million women in the U.S. in 2020.  As Jeneva Patterson points out in the her Harvard Business Review article, "We are learning to discuss race, gender, and generational differences more openly at work and we need to put menopause on the agenda."

The sad part is that there is so much misinformation about menopause. Diane Danzebrink in the UK has made it her mission to "normalize the conversation about a phase of life that every woman will experience at some point." She launched the #makemenopausematter campaign to provide menopause education in the workplace and for menopause to be taught in relationship and sex education classes in schools. 

This is a great start, but European countries are often ahead of the U.S. in discussing human sexuality. We need these same kind of movements in the U.S. We need for menopause to become part of the conversation in the OBGYN office, in the workplace, in the press, and online. 

We need to normalize conversations about reproduction, the fact that periods lead to all of us being alive, and that there is an end to this cycle in life. Women should not feel ashamed to talk openly about menopause and they shouldn't feel ashamed or feel "old" because of menopause. We all need to be talking about it, in our homes, in the media and in the workplace. 

Sunday, October 11, 2020

One Hundred and Eighty-Five Peloton Rides

Today as I completed my 185th Peloton ride I was amazed at how far I've come. I'm not a super athlete. I wasn't even athletic or in shape when I bought the bike. I'm still not. I'm fifty pounds from my ideal weight, mine, not even the one on the chart for my height and age. According to that one I'm about 80 pounds overweight. My point is, you don't have to be super athletic to have a Peloton and to get active.


It has taken me two years to get here, with a lot of hurdles along the way. But I'm here and I was killing that 30 minute pop ride with Robin Arzon today, and that's all that matters. 

I've also completed 173 strength workouts. The bulk of those have been arm workouts. Most of them are 10 minutes high rep workouts with 3 pound weights, but I recently added 20 minute workouts with heavier weights. That is also an example of how far I've come. 

My original plan was to complete my 200 rides by Halloween, but things haven't really worked out that way and now some unexpected plans came up for that weekend.  I've set a new goal to get to 200 by October 28. That means I will have to average one ride per night this month. 

I am going to take this moment to feel proud of myself because as Robin says, "If nobody's clapping for you, clap for your own damn self."

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Caring For Myself

I read a wonderful quote today on someone's Instagram page. "Caring for yourself is not self-indulgence, it's self-preservation." - Audre Lorde

My temporary #9 tattoo that I'm testing. Wrist or arm, where I had the picc line inserted?

This quote is so significant for a number of reasons! 

First let's start with the fact that it's a quote by Audre Lorde, a feminist icon. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know who she was. My 19 year old daughter who is a sophomore pre-med student and wants to be an OBGYN, and who is also taking feminist classes in college, had to tell me she is a feminist icon. 

Second. I recently joined a book club, which in itself was self-indulgent and amazing. I love that it has me reading on a regular basis again and that it has me reading outside of my comfort zone. I prefer fiction, but this has me reading non-fiction and graphic novels. I don't think I would have ever read a graphic novel, if it weren't for this book club. I'm so happy I found it. Reading again, regularly, is a big part of caring for myself. Feeding my brain is one of the things that is the most important in my life. 

Third. I found this quote on the page of another Peloton member. I LOVE that the main admin of our page, Working Moms of Peloton, asks us periodically to share our Instagram pages and to support one another. I've followed numerous fellow members and I have 30+ new followers today because of her last post. I feel like these type of followers are the MOST legit because they are people who I have a lot in common with. I love that! So when I saw this quote on one of the mom's pages I thought it was just perfect.

Fourth. The words of my 5th grade teacher, Ms. Lula Rivers, will forever play in my head. I was passing out pencils for a test and I forgot to give myself a pencil first. She shook her head and told me, "You should have given yourself a pencil first. Self-preservation." I was 11 years old and I will never forget that lesson. We have to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others. 

Working out and taking care of yourself IS NOT self-indulgent. It is definitely self-preservation. Life is not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing. We only get one shot at it and we have to do it right. Or if you got started wrong, like I did, you have to re-commit and get it right. Our health is a big part of this because that's what decides if you will have a long life or a short life. 

I had blood work done for my annual physical this past week and I was so happy with the results. All my hard work this past year was worth it! I brought down my A1c  (my hemoglobin) level almost TWO whole points. That's epic! I also brought down my cholesterol and my doctor said that my liver and kidneys looked great. 

This made me feel so much closer to my goals. I still have a lot of weight and sizes to go, but knowing that I'm doing all the right things to make sure that the inside is doing good makes it so much more valuable than what I look like on the outside. 

Take care of yourself, do the things that matter to you first. Make sure you have a plan and that you're working that plan. My plan is to know what I'm doing every evening, instead of just playing it by ear.  I have days for writing and reading and I have days for doing the Peloton and studying Italian. A schedule keeps me on track and so much happier. I hope that you can find a schedule that works for you. 

Saturday, September 05, 2020

Time is of Essence

When I was a little girl and my mom woke me up in the morning for school I always felt like time went by so fast. One morning, as my mom was pulling at my hair to make my ponytails, I asked her, "Why does time go by faster in the morning when I'm getting dressed for school?" My mother, being a mom, thought that was adorable and repeated it to my dad and family. 


Time is tricky. At least it always has been for me, since I was a little girl, and even now as an older woman. Sometimes I wake up earlier than usual on a weekend and I think that I have so much time, only to find myself getting on my Peloton, or running errands, just as late as the days when I wake up later. 

Recently I was thinking about the years that I belonged to an organized religion and all of the time spent in worship and preaching. At one time we had three meetings a week, two lasted for two hours and one lasted one hour. We also went out preaching on Saturdays and occasionally on Sundays. Add on top of that, the time to get ready, the drive time and the time spent chitchatting after the meeting. If I am being conservative, I spent twelve hours per week on religion, possibly fifteen. I was a part of that religion from birth until I was forty-two. Those are a lot of years and a lot of hours. 

Since I left my religion in 2012 I have given myself back fifteen hours a week. What have I been doing with that time since 2012? Seven of those years were taken up by Miranda's lacrosse. Her father and I spent a lot of time taking her, picking her up, and going to games. So I know where that time went. I also spent time driving my dad to church and to his restaurant and picking him up.

My father has been gone for two and a half years now. Miranda graduated from high school one year ago, so now I ask myself, "Where did those 15 hours per week go this last year?" AND more importantly, now that I am aware of these 15 hours that I've gifted myself, what am I going to do with that time now?

Let's add something else into the mix. I have been working from home for 25 weeks now, 12 of those have been at my new job. Working from home has added back two hours per day that I used commuting. That's 10 hours per week. So now I'm at 25 hours per week! That's approximately 3.5 hours per day of extra time! 

Let me ask that question again. "What am I going to do with that extra time?" That leaves so many extra hours in the week to do the things that I love, like writing, reading, working on my little libraries, learning about art, making art, working on my cemetery preservation project and making time to exercise. The trick is not letting other things rob me of that time. 

This year has been a lot about self-discipline. I've been working on balance and choices. I need to work on these things to make the time to work out. I also need self-discipline to eat right, to make the right choices, and to do things I want to do. I also need to be self-disciplined about my time. 

For example, I feel like my whole life I've been trying to write fiction. I start and I restart, but I never give it the time I should. I let other things get in the way and lead me astray, time and time again. I am tired of doing that and if I am ever going to get anything worthwhile written it needs to be now. I need to reserve part of those fifteen hours a week strictly for writing. 

I am fifty years old and if there are two things I want to accomplish in this short life that I have left is this. I want to get to the point when exercise and eating healthy are second nature AND I want to be a published writer. Second, I want to spend time on things that bring me joy like reading, art, and my non-profit work. I cannot use the excuse that I don't have the time. Period.

Monday, July 27, 2020

One Hundred and Fifty Rides, Self-Sabotage, and What I Want

I reached 100 rides on my Peloton right before my 49th birthday in 2019. I then set a very lofty goal and said I was going to try to reach 200 rides by my 50th birthday. What I didn't know was that it wasn't going to be that easy for many reasons, starting with my own self-sabotage.

I made this meme modeled after one I saw about running.

The first reason or excuse that I had was that I pulled my rotator cuff in January. Of course I could have done rides that didn't involve weights at all, but I used that as an excuse. I kept saying that I was waiting for it to get better and the more I waited and didn't do anything the more time went by. Little did I know that in a few months I was going to have a real reason why I wouldn't be able to ride. It kind of reminds me of when you call in sick to work and then after you do you really get sick and you end up having to miss more days. That's how it was with me and not riding. Halfway through the year I started complaining about my toe hurting and we all know what happened there, if you've read my blog or follow me on social media.

After everything that I went through, both personally, in my head, and in my body, yesterday I completed 150 rides on my bike. It took me a year and five months to complete 50 more rides. Instead of concentrating on what I didn't do I am working very hard to think of what I have done. Because that is one of the ways that I self-sabotage every single time.

I've been doing a lot of self examination about my weaknesses this past month. I've talked about my allergy to shellfish before and how I wish I could see carbs the same way. I finally had Miranda make me a picture of a cupcake with a shrimp on top to drive the point home. I asked her to also make a cocktail glass with a shrimp on the side instead of a lemon wedge.

Image by Miranda Ruiz

As I face my demons I also face all the ways that I self-sabotage. I know them all. I know how I do it and I still do it. When I read the blog about self-sabotage that I linked to in the third paragraph it makes me sad that I've been writing about my weight, exercise and my health for so long. Not just the 15 years I've been writing this blog. Prior to this blog, marriage and children I used to journal. The topic took up so many pages of those journals from the age of 14 to 27.

I was telling a friend of mine that all I really want is to get to place where I want to be, healthy mainly, and I want to just maintain. I think of Zig Ziglar's analogy of the water pump. At first you have to pump really hard to get the water to come up. But once you get the water to come out, all you have to do is keep a steady pressure on the handle. That's what I want. I want to get to the point where all I have to do is keep a steady hand on my exercise and eating. I want to get to the point where I don't have to talk about it so much, unless it's to motivate others with my story. And when I get there I want for my story to be that it's never too late to get to that place. 

I post and blog about my Peloton because I want to motivate regular people. I want them to know that you don't have to be an athlete to work out on a Peloton. You can be a regular middle aged over-weight mom who is still on her inner journey. Most importantly, I do it to hold myself accountable and to motivate myself until I get to that place where I want to be.