So What Ever Happened To That Peloton?

It's been a while since I mentioned my Peloton. That Peloton that I was so in love with in 2018... Yes, I still have it, but I don't know what happened to that loving feeling. 

The last time I mentioned it was in July of last year when I said that I knew that my blood counts were significantly lower when I was riding the Peloton and I said I was going to get back on it.  I didn't... 

Here is where I was on February 3, 2019, the day I reached my 100th bike ride.

Here is where I am today!

I've owned my bike since approximately August, 2018, that's almost five years! In that time I've worked out 803 times (I don't really count meditations as workouts but Peloton does so...) I've only ridden my bike 139 more times, but I've done 223 more strength workout and I've completed 63 runs. 

For the last couple of years I've been running with the Peloton app more and cycling less. I've also really gotten into the strength workouts, most recently trying the standing core strength workouts. I love those!

I know I shouldn't beat myself up about this. I know that 803 workouts is still something. 803 divided by 5 years is 160.6 workouts per year. That's 13.38 workouts per month or approximately 3.34 times per week. Or as some of the coaches point out, it's still working out more than people who don't work out. 

I can't explain why I haven't been on the bike and why I've been running more than cycling. I've written about how I self-sabotage and here. It didn't help when I logged on the other day and I received a warning about the bike seat recall. I'm yet to address that issue, but I know it has to be done. Luckily I've never had any issues with my seat thus far. 

Either way, I do have to call about the seat and I do need to get back on the bike. I still love everything about Peloton, especially the strength workouts and the walks and runs. My challenge is to get myself back on the bike, and loving the rides again.

I want to set a #400by54 goal for myself for both Strength and Cycling. I know I can do it for Strength, but can I reach the same goal for Cycling? I want to! 

New goal for the second part of the year and my soon to be half birthday in August!

Caring For Myself

I read a wonderful quote today on someone's Instagram page. "Caring for yourself is not self-indulgence, it's self-preservation." - Audre Lorde

My temporary #9 tattoo that I'm testing. Wrist or arm, where I had the picc line inserted?

This quote is so significant for a number of reasons! 

First let's start with the fact that it's a quote by Audre Lorde, a feminist icon. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know who she was. My 19 year old daughter who is a sophomore pre-med student and wants to be an OBGYN, and who is also taking feminist classes in college, had to tell me she is a feminist icon. 

Second. I recently joined a book club, which in itself was self-indulgent and amazing. I love that it has me reading on a regular basis again and that it has me reading outside of my comfort zone. I prefer fiction, but this has me reading non-fiction and graphic novels. I don't think I would have ever read a graphic novel, if it weren't for this book club. I'm so happy I found it. Reading again, regularly, is a big part of caring for myself. Feeding my brain is one of the things that is the most important in my life. 

Third. I found this quote on the page of another Peloton member. I LOVE that the main admin of our page, Working Moms of Peloton, asks us periodically to share our Instagram pages and to support one another. I've followed numerous fellow members and I have 30+ new followers today because of her last post. I feel like these type of followers are the MOST legit because they are people who I have a lot in common with. I love that! So when I saw this quote on one of the mom's pages I thought it was just perfect.

Fourth. The words of my 5th grade teacher, Ms. Lula Rivers, will forever play in my head. I was passing out pencils for a test and I forgot to give myself a pencil first. She shook her head and told me, "You should have given yourself a pencil first. Self-preservation." I was 11 years old and I will never forget that lesson. We have to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others. 

Working out and taking care of yourself IS NOT self-indulgent. It is definitely self-preservation. Life is not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing. We only get one shot at it and we have to do it right. Or if you got started wrong, like I did, you have to re-commit and get it right. Our health is a big part of this because that's what decides if you will have a long life or a short life. 

I had blood work done for my annual physical this past week and I was so happy with the results. All my hard work this past year was worth it! I brought down my A1c  (my hemoglobin) level almost TWO whole points. That's epic! I also brought down my cholesterol and my doctor said that my liver and kidneys looked great. 

This made me feel so much closer to my goals. I still have a lot of weight and sizes to go, but knowing that I'm doing all the right things to make sure that the inside is doing good makes it so much more valuable than what I look like on the outside. 

Take care of yourself, do the things that matter to you first. Make sure you have a plan and that you're working that plan. My plan is to know what I'm doing every evening, instead of just playing it by ear.  I have days for writing and reading and I have days for doing the Peloton and studying Italian. A schedule keeps me on track and so much happier. I hope that you can find a schedule that works for you. 

The Satin Cream House Coat - Celebrate the Big Things and the Small Ones Too

When my mother died twenty years ago and we were going through her things we came across her satin cream colored house coat, old and yellowed with age. It even had some stains close to the hem and it didn't look like the beautiful coat I had longingly looked at so many times as a little girl. It had a quilted padded pattern and it had gold thread woven into the material. As I was typing this description here, I searched for it and I can not believe I found one on eBay. It's called a "Vintage Doris Day Sonnet Hostess Robe." It was only $38 and I had to buy it.

I think my mother won the coat in the early 1970s, when I was a baby, when she was selling Tupperware. I may have only seen her try it on once, when she was in an unusually good mood.  I would see her pull the coat out sometimes over the years and I always asked her why she didn't wear it. She always replied the same way. She told me that she put the coat away when she won it and that she would wear it when she had the kind of house she had always wanted.

She never wore the coat.

The other night I was watching "This is Us" and older Rebecca, the mother, says something that reminded me of that cream coat. (Spoiler Alert if you haven't seen the March 10 episode or if you plan to watch This is Us in general one day.)

“My life has been full of next times: things I always assumed I would get to eventually,” Rebecca said. “But now I realize that I am running out of time to do them. ... I want to spend however many good years I have left with my family. I want to try new things like walking on red carpets. I want to make up for all of my next times.” 

This really stuck a chord with me.

I turned 50 on February 11. It was the day that I go out of the hospital and I was very angry and depressed. I told everyone that I didn't want to celebrate and that in fact I wanted to pretend that I hadn't turned 50 yet. I remember telling my sister that I was angry and that I would never get February 11, 2020 back again. 

I also posted something on Facebook about waiting until the picc line was removed, and I was better,  to celebrate. A friend of mine from high school commented that every day that we are alive is a gift or celebration, something to that effect. I don't remember the exact words but I know what she meant. She received a double lung transplant around eight years ago so she has a completely different outlook on life than many of us. She is so right. 

I keep getting reminders everywhere. I was cleaning my desk at home and I came across a fortune from a cookie that I had saved. It says, "If you don't have time to live your life now, when do you?"

So true! When do I? Am I going to wait to wear the cream colored house coat my whole life?  Am I going to get to a point in my life when I realize that I'm out of time to do the things I wanted to do because I have cancer, Alzheimer's, early dementia, MS, or some other life altering illness? I hope not.

I may be 50, but it isn't too late. If anything, that's what this recent toe bone infection taught me. It was a damn wake-up call. It sounded the alarm of my life and my health. 

I skipped my birthday on February 11 because I was bitter and angry, but I can't do that again. I know that's easier to say now that the picc line is out and the stitches have been removed from my toe. I am at that point that I wanted to be and I knew all along that I would get here.

So yes, I ordered the vintage robe and I'm going to put it on and I'm going to wear it around my Grey Gardens messy house in honor of my mother. I'm not going to wait to have the perfect house, apartment or life. I'm going to wear it now. 

I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to celebrate my 50th birthday all damn year! All year is going to be a celebration of my 50th year of life. Every day from now on I'm going to celebrate still being alive. I'm going to celebrate the big things and the small ones too. 

Then I'm going to make a new list of all the things I want to accomplish and all the places I want to travel to, instead of saying "next time." 

New Year! New Words! Recommit, Cleanse and Repair

Similar to years past I had a slow start to the year. This time I feel like I trudged through the first two weeks of the year and now here we are, already halfway through January and less than one month from my fabulous 49th birthday. It's the last birthday of my 40s and I plan to celebrate in a grand way.  2019 is going to be a MUCH better year than 2018. I know that sounds cliché but after the 2018 I had, it has to be.

I'm on this quest to reach 100 rides on my Peloton bike before my 49th birthday in February and I'm on ride 84. We still have these balloons so I'm just going to get another zero to give to myself on  the day that I complete my 100th ride. 

When the year started I knew that my one big word was going to be Recommit. It's a word that I heard in April and that I added to my words for the year in 2018. It's such an amazing word because it covers a multitude of things. It came from a quote that I read by life coach, Cara Alwill Leyba. She says to "Recommit as many times as you need to.." But my favorite part is, "Failure is an illusion and the idea that you can't start over will do nothing but keep you in a space of sadness." I love that. 

It's taken 14 days into the month but I finally have the rest of my words. I've thought about what I want out of myself this year, what I hope to accomplish, to find the right words. Hopefully this doesn't sound too much like a skin care regimen. My other two words are cleanse and repair. 

Recommit to my goals, healthy eating, exercise, and all the goals I set for myself monthly and weekly. I'll recommit when I reach them and when I don't.

Cleanse covers so many areas. I want to cleanse my life. I want to start eating clean and I want to clean out my house. I want to pack up all the things that I would find completely essential to take with me if the house were burning down and I only had time to grab a few things. Or all the things I would take with me if I was going to live in a little vintage trailer, like the ones I admire.

Repair. I need to to repair my mind, my soul, my courage, my body and my house. I need to repair myself both spiritually and I need to repair my physical surroundings. I'm tired of living with things in disrepair and only I can be the one to fix those things. 

So there you have it. Recommit, cleanse and repair. I can start 2019 now. What is your one word or your words for the year?

School's Out for Summer!

We survived 6th grade and 9th grade and we are on to the rest of middle school and high school. Both kids did really well and I was pleased with their last report cards. They are good kids and I'm very lucky. Miranda starts summer school at the Kinkaid Engineering Math and Science Institute next Wednesday. Seth is staying with my dad while Miranda is at school with occasional visits to his best friend's house for play dates. The summer is going to fly by!

In other news....

Yellow dress that hasn't fit me since I don't know when.

I have been losing weight again! It feels like it just happened. I went to the doctor because I had a flu that turned into bronchitis. The doctor asked me when I was going to do something about my weight and my health and sent me for blood work. So around April 25, a month ago, I started keeping track of what I was eating and walking in the evenings.

I hardly ever eat out for lunch. I take soups, crackers, and fruit. My main tactic is to have dinner made the night prior so we have dinner when I get home. I either cook dinner over night in the crock pot or I cook dinner before I go to sleep. I don't usually get home from work until 6:30 or 7 so we eat dinner as soon as I get home. We go walking right after dinner before it gets dark.

Just making those simple changes has made a huge difference. This past weekend I decided to try on several outfits that haven't fit me in a long time and I was shocked to find out that almost every single piece of clothing fit me. It was like a miracle! I couldn't even believe it every time a dress or a skirt would zip up. I still have a couple of dresses and a pants that don't fit that I can use as an incentive.

One of my goal words for 2016 is Healthy and I feel like I'm finally making strides with that word. By healthy I mean both physically as well as mentally. After such a long time of being at either a plateau or steadily gaining the weight back it seems incredible that my weight goal is within reach. Pretty cool!

Far from the Madding Crowd

On Reading:  Many years ago I started a collection of classics that I wanted to read. I acquired some of the books at book shops or people gave them to me. One of the books I somehow got from my sister was "Far from the Madding Crowd" by Thomas Hardy. This was pre-Google and I never bothered to look up the plot, but I had heard that it was a classic so I added it to my collection. I've had it for years now and I never read it. Since it's a paperback it's grown old and the pages have yellowed.

I don't know why I never started to read it, especially since I love the title. It reminds me of how I feel when I'm overwhelmed and I have that desire to just run away and hide. Last night I decided to watch the movie on my HBO app on my Kindle (I sound so 21st century saying it that way!) and I absolutely loved the storyline! It is such a romantic story and the characters are so great. It made me want to read the book for sure now to get more details and to know more about the characters than a movie can't tell you.

I want to start reading again like I used to. I don't read enough and I miss it. I just finished reading "Room" by Emma Donoghue. It's a really great book and I can't wait to see the Oscar-nominated movie.

On Health: Well I have not done very well with my #healthy word for 2016. In fact I've been sick with a cold or flu at least three times. The third time was the charm! I had the flu really bad last weekend and it settled into my lungs and turned into bronchitis. It was the first time I've had bronchitis that I know of. Yeah, ironic isn't it? After all that talk about health!

I ignored resting this weekend because I wasted all of last weekend sick in bed. I cut the yard and I swept and mopped the 3 main rooms in the house. Now I'm feeling a little extra congestion in my chest but at least I've taken all 5 days of my antibiotics.

My doctor got after me when I went to see her about this bronchitis and she sent me for blood work. I'm going to go get it done this week so I can face the music. She's checking me for everything and I know I need to start seeing her on the regular. I hadn't been in three years! Yeah, not good.

Now that the time has changed I'm going to start walking every evening after work. I need to start a regular exercise routine again. I'd like to eventually start Cross Fit and I want to train for a run.

On Life: It's good in general. I appreciate the small things and the big things. I appreciate that I'm working back at the Chronicle again and that I have money to support my family like I should. That's a big one. I appreciate weekends without the kids to be alone and to watch all the HBO and Netflix that I want, uninterrupted.

I'm doing better at #liberty and #clarity than I'm doing with #healthy. At least there's that and I appreciate it. It's still a work in progress and arguing with the demons in my head.

Is it weird to still want to achieve something big in my life at the age of 46? Although I'm very grateful for what I have I still want to do more and achieve more in life. I was looking at Soledad O'Brien's biography and of course I'm not a major news anchor like her, but I see women like her, around my age, and all that they've accomplished and I want to do that too.

Soledad O'Brien is around 49, Brene Brown is 50. I don't know how old Kelly Rae Roberts is, but I did learn that she didn't start painting and doing her craft until she was 30.  I realize that 46 is much older than 30 but still, she didn't start as a young adult. I want to do that.

I want to achieve something big like they have, whether it's writing and publishing a book or starting a successful podcast with a really cool and interesting topic, or becoming a journalist for NPR in my old age. I feel like until I'm dead anything is possible and I don't want to stop dreaming and believing.