Monday, July 27, 2020

One Hundred and Fifty Rides, Self-Sabotage, and What I Want

I reached 100 rides on my Peloton right before my 49th birthday in 2019. I then set a very lofty goal and said I was going to try to reach 200 rides by my 50th birthday. What I didn't know was that it wasn't going to be that easy for many reasons, starting with my own self-sabotage.

I made this meme modeled after one I saw about running.

The first reason or excuse that I had was that I pulled my rotator cuff in January. Of course I could have done rides that didn't involve weights at all, but I used that as an excuse. I kept saying that I was waiting for it to get better and the more I waited and didn't do anything the more time went by. Little did I know that in a few months I was going to have a real reason why I wouldn't be able to ride. It kind of reminds me of when you call in sick to work and then after you do you really get sick and you end up having to miss more days. That's how it was with me and not riding. Halfway through the year I started complaining about my toe hurting and we all know what happened there, if you've read my blog or follow me on social media.

After everything that I went through, both personally, in my head, and in my body, yesterday I completed 150 rides on my bike. It took me a year and five months to complete 50 more rides. Instead of concentrating on what I didn't do I am working very hard to think of what I have done. Because that is one of the ways that I self-sabotage every single time.

I've been doing a lot of self examination about my weaknesses this past month. I've talked about my allergy to shellfish before and how I wish I could see carbs the same way. I finally had Miranda make me a picture of a cupcake with a shrimp on top to drive the point home. I asked her to also make a cocktail glass with a shrimp on the side instead of a lemon wedge.

Image by Miranda Ruiz

As I face my demons I also face all the ways that I self-sabotage. I know them all. I know how I do it and I still do it. When I read the blog about self-sabotage that I linked to in the third paragraph it makes me sad that I've been writing about my weight, exercise and my health for so long. Not just the 15 years I've been writing this blog. Prior to this blog, marriage and children I used to journal. The topic took up so many pages of those journals from the age of 14 to 27.

I was telling a friend of mine that all I really want is to get to place where I want to be, healthy mainly, and I want to just maintain. I think of Zig Ziglar's analogy of the water pump. At first you have to pump really hard to get the water to come up. But once you get the water to come out, all you have to do is keep a steady pressure on the handle. That's what I want. I want to get to the point where all I have to do is keep a steady hand on my exercise and eating. I want to get to the point where I don't have to talk about it so much, unless it's to motivate others with my story. And when I get there I want for my story to be that it's never too late to get to that place. 

I post and blog about my Peloton because I want to motivate regular people. I want them to know that you don't have to be an athlete to work out on a Peloton. You can be a regular middle aged over-weight mom who is still on her inner journey. Most importantly, I do it to hold myself accountable and to motivate myself until I get to that place where I want to be.

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