New Year is Almost Here

We are two and a half days to 2014. Yep, seriously. I posted this image recently on my Facebook page. I think it's a very appropriate statement for 2014.

Image by Anne Taintor.

I also posted another one telling 2013 thank you for all the lessons and that I'm ready for 2014. I am. I think 2013 taught me its fair share of lessons and I'm done. I know what I want for 2014 and I'm going to go for it.

This was an amazing year, with the good, the bad, and the ugly. I took a HUGE leap of faith in May when I left the Chronicle. I like to think that in the words of Brene Brown I "dared greatly." I did what she says, "What's worth doing even if you fail?" I say this because I did it all on faith without any idea if this would work.

I am building my new business Casares Communications, that has evolved into a media rep company, and I am working on my writing.

I would love to say that I am writing full time but then that wouldn't be realistic either. I have to do something to make money to pay my bills and to take care of my children and I love the freedom of owning my own company and creating my own revenue.

So for the past six months and really more so in the last three months, I have been working on building a business where I can make money but that also gives me the freedom to be here for my kids, my dad and my writing, in that order.

One of my goals for 2014 is to make that business a real success and to make it profitable. I'm not asking to be a millionaire. All I want is to make enough money to cover my expenses, to feed my kids and to pay for my health insurance.

Another thing I did in 2013 was take a wonderful one week vacation with my kids. We went to Washington DC, Philadelphia and New York. It was a great experience they won't easily forget.

At the end of 2013 I tackled my novel again. I hired a wonderful editor who has been helping me edit it in order to get it ready for electronic publication. This is a novel that I started working on in 1996 and that I finished around 2005. Yes, eight years ago approximately. I finished it and then it just sat there forever. I was so excited to find someone as passionate about it as I was and so willing to edit it with me. I am forever in debt to her for encouraging me to do this, just by her interest. That in itself encouraged me so much.

So 2013, you've been good to me in many ways. Thank you for the freedom that I have had to spend time with the kids and with my father. Thank you for the courage to leave my job of 16 years for freedom. I feel like my mind has been freed in so many ways.

And thank you for the lessons. For the lessons in patience, forgiveness and letting go. I have another image by Kelly Rae Roberts that I love and I have to share here. This is me. I have to learn to just let it go.

 

An ex co-worker and one time teammate passed away last Monday, right as we drew near to the end of 2013. She lived life so richly and so fully. She was so ambitious and she reached for her professional goals, while still having fun and finding love again. I want to remember that about her. She lost her life at only 47 and it reminded me of my sister losing her life to cancer at only 42.

 

Ironically, I worked with Janice at the time that my sister was diagnosed and was going through chemotherapy. That was the first time that I had an "Aha" moment in my life and the first time that I left the Chronicle. Now that Janice passed away I remembered Hilda. It was a reminder that we must live life to its fullest and with no regrets.

 

That's what 2014 is going to be about. Letting go, having no regrets, living fully, writing novels and making my business profitable. Everything else will fall into place.

Old Blog Posts, Life and Living with Imperfections

I was driving down a street by my dad's kingdom hall today and I saw a horse tied to a tree with a For Sale sign written on the back of an orange traffic sign and tacked to a tree. Only in the ghetto and in Texas. I swear!

It made me think of a blog entry I wrote once called "Horses in the Ghetto" but when I Googled that title with my blog name I couldn't find it. All I found was some song by the same title. Very weird. Maybe I wrote it somewhere else, or maybe it's missing now. Now I'm starting to think it may have been a poem.

In Googling my blog post I came across other blogs I've written and I always love doing that. I especially love the blogs about the kids when they were little. Seth was just a baby when I started this blog and he's 9 now. I always tell myself I should print all my blogs into a bound book and I haven't done it yet. I need to. What if something crazy happened and Blogger folded and took all my blog posts with it?

Life is passing me by way too fast. How is it already November of 2013? How has it been two years since my divorce? And HOW is it already six months since I quit my job? The time has come for me to either start making some serious money at my business or for me to get a full time job and back into Corporate America. On a good note, I just recently signed on with a newspaper in New Jersey. I really like the publisher of this paper and I think I'll really enjoy working for her. I just need to sell something for these publications now!

I read Brené Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection" not too long ago and I started reading "Daring Greatly" but I got side-tracked by another book and I need to go back and finish it when I finish this book I'm reading.

The point is this. Yesterday I came across a Huffington Post article about the 14 signs of perfectionism and it freaked me out. As I read the article I started checking off all the ones that reminded me of me and what freaked me out was that I was able to check off at least 11 of the 14 signs. OK, I'll share two things. (cringe) I'm a big procrastinator and I know there's no use crying over spilt milk... but I do anyway. Terrible I know.

I thought, "How can I be a perfectionist? I'm fat and I my house is a mess." I'm definitely not a perfectionist when it comes to cleaning. But then I remembered that I read something like this in "The Gifts of Imperfection." I don't have the book with me because I let a friend borrow it but I think that I can be a perfectionist even if my life is a mess because my problem is that I worry about all those things and I don't end up doing anything at all.

Even though I read the book I kept thinking as I read it, "Oh that's not me. I'm not a perfectionist." Now I'm thinking I need to go back and read that part of the book again and I need to take a honest look at myself. It's hard, but I do...

Leap Fearlessly and Dare Greatly

Remember how it feels when you jump wildly into a cold pool or into a lake? Have you ever done that? When you do it you are leaping fearlessly into the unknown, especially if it's a lake. That is how I feel right now. I feel like I just took a fearless leap with my eyes closed.

From Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly

 

When I started thinking about leaving my job of sixteen plus years at the Houston Chronicle I couldn't stop. It was like this idea had just overtaken my mind and every time I tried to get it out of there I found myself doing other things instead. I was writing a Pros and Cons list. I was doing a budget. I was checking to see how much money I had in my savings. I was researching insurance. I knew then that I was going to do this.

I love the Houston Chronicle. Don't get me wrong. I learned A LOT during my years there and I still love what they do. I love that they put out a newspaper every day and that the entire city reads it at the same time. There's something magical about being a part of that for sixteen years.

But something else had happened and it wasn't just the Chronicle. It was me too. I was becoming steadily dissatisfied with my job. It was like a bad marriage where it wasn't just one person. It was both of us. I tried changing positions, thinking that maybe I could spice things up. But the truth of the matter was that there was nothing either one of us could do any more.

I applied at a couple of different places over the last few years, thinking that maybe a change of scenery would do me good. A few months ago I applied at a local organization that I really love and admire. I thought that it would be the perfect fit but unfortunately they didn't hire me.

It was after this last job interview that I told myself that I should just leap. I started listening to Brené Brown and her TED talks. I realized that the only way to really be true to myself and to have self-worth was to leap and to leap fearlessly.

I'm actually quoting Kelly Rae Roberts here too because she's the one who has this beautiful print on a frame that says "Leap Fearlessly." I gave it to my best friend when she got divorced and bought her first house a couple of years ago.

So here I am. Today is the first day of my freedom. I was talking to someone about my big step this morning and I realized something. I realized that when I was applying at another organization to get hired away from the Chronicle it was like I was waiting to get saved. And why? Why was I waiting for someone to come and save me when I could save myself?

That's what I've done! I have gone and saved myself and I have big plans this summer. I will be a stay at home mom with the children for the first time in both their lives. I will be available to have my dad come stay with me for a couple of days a week. Most importantly, I'm WRITING and I'm going to do some much much needed remodeling to my house. Finally, I'm launching Casares Communications part time. I say part-time but people are contacting me already about my services. I'm excited about the opportunities that will come my way!

I know it's a lot for the summer but I feel good about my choice. I feel like for the first time in a long time I'm in charge of my future and it's a good feeling. I'm glad that I took this fearless leap and I'm looking forward to this next chapter of my life.