Creating My Own #WIN

I've been thinking a lot about life lately for a couple of reasons besides you know, just life.

This is LIFE

It all started when my sister came to visit from LA a couple of weeks ago and we finally started going through some boxes I brought to my house THREE YEARS AGO from my dad's house, after we cleaned it out and threw away stuff. My other sister who lives in Houston came over to help us sort through them because she's really good at organizing.

There were two boxes that belonged to our sister who passed away 21 years ago filled with pictures of hers and pictures of her friends. They held her memories book from high school, her wedding album, work ID cards and other mementos. As we sorted through these I got really sad, like I often do when I think of my sister's very short 42 years on this earth. This time though I looked at those two boxes and I told my sisters that it made me so sad to think that our life can end up in two boxes that people have to sort through and that nobody knows what to do with your stuff.

One of the photos we found in the other boxes was my sister's (the organizer) prom picture. We talked about her prom date and other friends. She told us that she had heard that one of our old guy friends was sick. We were surprised and that led to a phone call and she placed it on speaker. He answered and told us he was in the hospital but that he was getting out that day or the next. However, he was going to have to go to an assisted living facility because he didn't have anyone to help take care of him. We looked at one another in shock and dismay.

This all led to me going to visit him first then my sister who was closest to him went to visit him at home and has been helping him ever since. She was once in love with him when she was a teenager but they both married other people, twice... Now here is he is very close to the end of his life on kidney dialysis and she is helping to take care of him. So many missed opportunities in life...

So all of these things make me think about life, my life, my kids' lives... my happiness, my reality, my responsibilities.  A friend gave me the venn diagram above and it's such a great synopsis of life. It's so hard to find that #WIN. When we end up in one of the other spaces we do what we can and we try to be happy and that's where most of us are.

As I'm making changes in my life this year and concentrating on my three words, Clarity, Liberty and Healthy, I am trying to work a lot harder on remembering that people pray for the things that I have. Two brilliant healthy children, I OWN (or paying) a house, I just paid off my small mortgage, I've had a rich full life and I've travelled more places that many people. The list can go on, which is why I know that I have a lot of things to appreciate.

In addition to making changes, like running and eating better, I'm also working on positive thinking and believing more in affirmations and in the power of the universe, without sounding too new agey. I'm practicing gratitude, reviewing my vision boards, visualizing, making affirmations, meditating, making a positive list and other things. These are all part of my clarity and liberty words for the year. I want to create my own #WIN.

"The who-I-was who would become the the who-I-am"

I turned 46 last week. Yes, 46, as in 4 years to 50, and I'm in a good place right now.

This is me yesterday on an adventure with my 14.5 year old daughter. We took the Metro downtown to the Place Upstairs. They weren't open so we had a snack and a drink at Tacos a Go Go downstairs. I got my hair cut yesterday so I wanted a picture of my hair and I found those amazing readers at another shop upstairs, above Tacos and the Continental Club. So here I am, looking every bit my 46 years.

I'm in a good place because I'm happy. I love just chilling in my house without anyone bothering me and deciding what I want to do and when. Sure, I have the kids and my dad to take care of but other than that I don't have to answer to anyone and that is a great feeling. Even cutting my hair short was a statement of liberty.

I've slacked off on my #Healthy, #Clarity and #Liberty. I need to get back on track there but I'm OK. I'm not going to stress myself out about it because I am free (liberty) to do what I want when I want to do it.

It was a great 46th birthday. I am finally feeling like a grown woman and that's a good thing. I think I felt like a kid or someone's wife for way too long. That's nothing to be ashamed of. It's "the who-I-was who would become the the who-I-am," (Sandra Cisneros)

The thing is this. I have always been under someone's headship. I lived at home until I got married at 27, then I was married for 14 years and we followed the traditional "head of household" relationship. After we got divorced I lived alone for only two years but I was truly alone in every sense for one year and then my dad came to live with me.

Even though I'm taking care of my dad and I'm the "head of household," at least according to the IRS, it is still living with my dad again. There are a lot of things I don't do out of respect for him and his religious beliefs even if it is my house. So in some ways I am still his kid and that's another bridge I will need to cross. My dad is 92 and I'm not in a hurry to cross that bridge if it means losing him.

For now, I celebrate the little victories, like doing what I want in general, letting go, doing my own taxes, turning people away from my door if I don't want to talk to them and voting in the Primary for the first time. (I didn't vote because it was against my former religion.)

I feel free in so many ways that the little ways that I'm not free don't really matter that much. I know that growing up also means letting go in my mind and grasping that freedom and liberty myself. It's what I'm learning to do.

My Words for 2016

A friend of mine gave me this idea a couple of years ago. We choose either one or more words to define our goals for the year. We started doing this when she moved back to Houston from Savannah and this is our third year doing it. It's become a tradition now!

A clean desk after a good house cleaning the day after Christmas, part of clearing the clutter!

This year I've decided not to set any wordy goals at all. I'm only going to use the three words that will be my guide for all things. These three words can act separately, but they can also overlap. I'll define them for the purposes of this blog post only.

Healthy-  This means both physical health as well as mental health. I want to work on clearing the baggage I still carry from childhood and along the way.

Clarity- Clarity of mind and well as soul. This also relates to clearing my life of clutter and goes hand in hand with my mental health.

Liberty- I choose freedom from all things that bring me down, whether they are food, clutter, organized religion, fear, people or the negative voices in my own head.

The older I am getting the less tolerant I'm becoming of people and things that I don't appreciate. I'm still learning to say no and telling people that certain behaviors, like coming to my house unannounced, are not okay. It's my right to say no and I will. Here is to a happy and prosperous 2016!