Tuesday, January 17, 2006

My Mortality Stares Me In the Face

Nothing ever goes as planned. Today it was not only cold, but I got off work 30 minutes later than planned and the traffic was terrible. I forgot I had to go by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and so when it was all said and done I was getting home at 8 p.m. Then I made dinner and watched a little bit of the Golden Globes I recorded yesterday. I didn't walk and I didn't edit the piece for my reading. I did spend some time with my husband and even a little bit with my kids, going to the pharmacy together and letting them play on the bed for a little while when we got home.

Today I was faced with my mortality once again. I recently started up Weight Watchers Online again because I know I have to. I know it's my lifestyle from now on if I want to see my kids grow up. I've also accepted that its a better "issue" to have than to have to live with a bigger handicap. At least this issue is controllable.

The point is this. I know a couple of women who are diagnosed diabetics. One is in complete denial of how diabetes works and should be on insulin injections but stopped doing it because she believes she's okay. The other takes her medication and says she follows the regimen however today she tells me that she's lost a certain percentage of bone mass in her mouth/teeth because of the diabetes. I'm shocked and of course I feel bad for her. I think of my own mom who thought she did everything by changing her diet, but never exercised and her best didn't seem to be good enough when she had to go in for minor eye surgery and finally a heart attack and weak heart that lingered on for eight years and finally killed her.

I'm reminded of my genes. Of what I've inherited and how much I'm tempting the diabetes to come back full force (remember I was gestational diabetic with both my pregnancies) unless I get down to my ideal weight and make exercise a natural part of my life.

I'm reminded again and again by the people around me. By my uncle (mother's cousin) who died two weeks ago from a stroke and heart attack after living without a leg for the last 10 years.

This past weekend I was listening to a talk at my meeting and the speaker was talking about the warnings we receive in life. He used the example of a Mt. St. Helens and the various warnings that the people received and how some didn't heed the warnings. I thought about what he was saying and I thought about myself and how the gestational diabetes was like one of those warnings before the eruption.

If I lived near a volcano (and I wouldn't live near one to begin with) I would evacuate completely at the first sign of an impending eruption. I need to see these two instances as my first and second warnings. It's time to flee from the danger of a full out eruption and the loss of my life. I don't want to suffer kidney failure, loss of a limb, loss of eyesight, liver failure, or heart failure. Those are all consequences of letting diabetes take over your life and killing you.

P.S. I'll write about those other things I said I'd write about later.

No comments: