Strength

strength

   /strɛŋkθ, strɛŋθ, strɛnθ/ Show Spelled[strengkth, strength, strenth]  

noun

1. the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor.

2. mental power, force, or vigor.

I'm referring to the second definition.

I've been thinking about strength a lot this week and what makes us strong. I've also been thinking a lot about what makes us put up with so much until we can't take it any more. We all have our breaking point and it takes something really extreme to find it. And at that extreme moment when we are pushed as far as we will go, we realize that we are stronger than we thought.

As I was thinking about strength this week I came across this wonderful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt.
"We gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."

No one wants or invites adversity into their life but it happens and when it does all we can do is look fear in the face. We have to take what is happening to us and we have to turn it into a learning experience. That's why I love this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. We actually gain strength, courage and confidence from the bad stuff as much as we do from the good stuff.

www.livestrong.com

So all we can do is try to live a strong life. And not to go overboard with the sports theme or the quotes, the other quote that comes to mind is this awesome Nike ad quote. One of my favorites, so I'm going to recycle it.

"Too often we are scared. Scared of what we might not be able to do. Scared of what people might think if we tried. We let our fears stand in the way of our hopes. We say no when we want to say yes. We sit quietly when we want to scream. And we shout with the others, when we should keep our mouths shut. Why? After all,we do only go around once. There's really no time to be afraid. So stop. Try something you've never tried. Risk it. Enter a triathlon. Write a letter to the editor. Demand a raise. Call winners at the toughest court. Throw away your television. Bicycle across the United States. Try bobsledding. Try anything. Speak out against the designated hitter. Travel to a country where you don't speak the language. Patent something. You have nothing to lose and everything everything everything to gain. JUST DO IT." - 1992: Barry Sanders 

Enough said...

My Aha! Moment at 42

Today is the second day of my 42nd year and I'm just now getting to writing down my goals for this year. I've talked about my goals but I really wrote them down this time- the things that I want to accomplish in my 42nd year of life. In writing them down I wrote one in particular that I write every single year and I think those of you who know me know what that goal is. To write a new novel of course.

www.annetaintor.com

As I wrote down the goal to write I had an aha! moment. Something that I already knew at the back of my mind, but that I had never been honest enough to really think about. Since my divorce, or even since my separation, I have been wasting precious writing time. I could have really been writing all these weekends that are my free weekends.

I thought about it again today when I read this piece I wrote for Literary Mama four years ago. I used to long for that time to write when the children were young. Now that I have this time without them, and all to myself I'm totally taking it for granted, the way I took my 20s for granted.

I've been so wrapped up in my emotions, in my loss, in my drama, that I've been searching for something that I can only find within. It's like I'm searching for validation or affirmation when I already know the answer. I know I'm an awesome and interesting person. I have a great education, an extremely interesting job at a company that I love, I'm well-traveled, well-read, I'm passionate, very smart and apparently I'm still sexy and attractive.

The truth is, I don't need for someone to tell me any of these things. I know myself. I don't need to be wasting my time or my life looking for validation. So one of my goals for my 42nd year is to stop doing that.

If I can stop wasting my time on trivial and mundane things then I can start using my free weekends for more intellectual things. These are my weekends for goodness sake and I'm wasting precious time! From now on on my free weekends I'm writing or feeding my mind intellectually. At least during the day and I will break for dinner and evening events that are worthy of my time.

That was my Aha! moment this weekend. (a la O Magazine) It took this weekend all alone and really pondering on my life and goals to realize this, or rather to be honest with myself. There are other things on my goal list like running with the kids, eating better (always on the list), making more money, remodeling the house, and the spiritual, but writing is definitely at the top of my list.

Hurrah! At Last I'm 42

www.annetaintor.com

No, not really...I'm not excited that I'm turning 42 in a week and a half. If anything, I'm terrified. You see, my sister died when she was 42 and now that has become a big milestone for me. It makes me aware of my own mortality.

I was 25 when we lost Hilda and 42 seemed so old to me then. It was a grown up and I did not feel like a grown up at that point in my life. I had just spent a month penniless in Spain that summer prior to her death. Penniless but free of responsibilities, mortgages, house payments, children, debt.. and the list goes on. But I was 25.

Now here I am on the threshold of turning 42 myself and I have never felt less like an an adult. I feel like I can't get my footing on anything, except for those things that include my children. When it comes to the children I'm operating on autopilot. I know what I need to do with them. I know that their education is important and I'm doing all that I can to take care of their physical and emotional needs.

However, I don't know what I'm doing with myself. I've written down my goals but I haven't written out a plan on how I'm going to get there. Now as my birthday looms above me I know that a plan is in also in order. I need to "plan my work and work my plan," as an ad VP used to say to us all the time.

I don't want to be "a wandering generality." I want to be "a meaningful specific." (Zig Ziglar) Only I can make that change. Lately I'm feeling more like a wandering generality that has lost her way. I need to find my way back to my original path in life and I need to plan how I'm going to do that.

Dentures Part Deux and Camp Adventures

I went back to the dentist last week to have my permanent crown removed and to have a new temporary put on. The dentist started off with the usual two shots and quickly realized that he needed to give me two more shots. Yes, four shots total. I still had the lump on Thursday.

http://www.eastvillagedental.com/

Despite the pain and the lump I must admit that this temporary crown has been 100% better than the last one. I've been able to eat just fine. I'm kind of disappointed. I was hoping I would lose another 7 lbs this time from lack of eating. Instead I've been able to eat just fine. Not good.

So my daughter left to camp on Tuesday morning and I have now survived 3 evenings without her. I haven't freaked out in worry that maybe I didn't tell her enough or prepare her enough. I didn't want to nag her before going. I wanted to be the cool mom. But as soon as she was gone and friends told me I did a good job with her, I started thinking of all the things I didn't warn her about before leaving. I'm a mom. I do that.

We got a camp update when they arrived Tuesday at noon and then again Wednesday through the bad weather day. Then today we didn't have an update. I thought I had missed it because my work email was down. Turns out they didn't send one out today. Probably because the day was so beautiful.

My daughter promised to write me a letter each night about her trip and what they did. I hope she remembered to do that. That way she'll also record her adventure so she can remember it in the future.

She comes home tomorrow. I will survive the work day before going to pick her up, taking her in my arms, and hugging her tight.

Just Get Me Fitted for My Dentures Already

I'll never forget when two of my older sisters informed me that my teeth were old now and that I would start getting crowns soon because we inherited both our parents' bad teeth. I promptly had to get my first crown right before I turned 40. Love them!

Image from dentalgiggles.com

Let's start with my molar issues that started a couple of weeks prior to my vacation. Anyone who knows me knows that nothing is ever simple in my life. Just because the first two crowns I had were non-complicated did not mean that they would all be that way.

So my third crown was a nightmare. In a nutshell I had to have 8 shots and finally some gas because I had a little break down and cried because of the stress. (yes, I said cried) Turned out the crack was right on a nerve. So every time the dentist would drill I could feel it and he had to keep giving me more shots. Then I choked on the water and had to sit up and that's when the tears just flew out of my eyes. When I started crying he decided I needed a little gas to calm me down.

After that bad experience the temporary crown came loose two days later and I had to go in to have it replaced. If that wasn't enough it started to crack on the last couple of days that I had it on, but I just hung in there until the appointment when I was having the permanent crown inserted. Even after the pemanent was put it in I didn't feel right. I kept telling the dentist that it didn't feel right.

When I went back in for my cleaning the week I was on vacation we found out that it wasn't the right size. Of course it wasn't! After he gave me 8 shots that first visit my gum and my mouth were totally swollen. I looked like I had been punched in the face that day. (I had to go to Kroger looking like that because it was our turn to provide the snack for M's Odyssey of the Mind meeting and I got all kinds of weird looks.) The point is that if my mouth was that swollen I can understand why he didn't get an accurate mold of my molar.

What does all this mean? I have to go back in now to have it done all over again. This time they are going to have to break the permanent crown to remove it. I am so not looking forward to the torture.

On a good note, I lost around 7 pounds because I couldn't eat. Maybe I'll lose another 7 lbs when I have all this work re-done. That reminds me, I need to call them to make an appointment for next week.