Sunday, February 12, 2012

My Aha! Moment at 42

Today is the second day of my 42nd year and I'm just now getting to writing down my goals for this year. I've talked about my goals but I really wrote them down this time- the things that I want to accomplish in my 42nd year of life. In writing them down I wrote one in particular that I write every single year and I think those of you who know me know what that goal is. To write a new novel of course.
As I wrote down the goal to write I had an aha! moment. Something that I already knew at the back of my mind, but that I had never been honest enough to really think about. Since my divorce, or even since my separation, I have been wasting precious writing time. I could have really been writing all these weekends that are my free weekends.

I thought about it again today when I read this piece I wrote for Literary Mama four years ago. I used to long for that time to write when the children were young. Now that I have this time without them, and all to myself I'm totally taking it for granted, the way I took my 20s for granted.

I've been so wrapped up in my emotions, in my loss, in my drama, that I've been searching for something that I can only find within. It's like I'm searching for validation or affirmation when I already know the answer. I know I'm an awesome and interesting person. I have a great education, an extremely interesting job at a company that I love, I'm well-traveled, well-read, I'm passionate, very smart and apparently I'm still sexy and attractive.

The truth is, I don't need for someone to tell me any of these things. I know myself. I don't need to be wasting my time or my life looking for validation. So one of my goals for my 42nd year is to stop doing that.

If I can stop wasting my time on trivial and mundane things then I can start using my free weekends for more intellectual things. These are my weekends for goodness sake and I'm wasting precious time! From now on on my free weekends I'm writing or feeding my mind intellectually. At least during the day and I will break for dinner and evening events that are worthy of my time.

That was my Aha! moment this weekend. (a la O Magazine) It took this weekend all alone and really pondering on my life and goals to realize this, or rather to be honest with myself. There are other things on my goal list like running with the kids, eating better (always on the list), making more money, remodeling the house, and the spiritual, but writing is definitely at the top of my list.

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