I Still Have Cupcake Issues After ALL these Years!

A long time ago when I was a little girl I loved cupcakes just like all little kids do. The only difference between other kids and me was that I was made to feel guilty when I ate them. I was told I was too fat and that I shouldn't eat any sweets, so then I wanted to eat them even more. One day I went to the store and bought myself one of those packs of two cupcakes. I knew that if my sisters saw me eating them they would chastise me, so instead I decided to eat them in the wash room away from their judgmental eyes. Of course one of them caught me and that was it. I would be told for the rest of my life, "Remember when you used to hide and eat cupcakes in the wash room?" It became something that I had done all the time on a regular basis and not something they caught me doing one time.

annetaintor.com (By the "we" here I mean me and my sisters)

So here I am thirty years later and I have two kids. My husband goes grocery shopping and he buys the kids cupcakes for their school lunch and I can't help feeling that that's "bad."  Worse yet, I wanted to eat one and I didn't want my children seeing me because I didn't want for them to ask for one, so I ate it in the kitchen. (they had already had one) No, I wasn't hiding. Anyone could walk into my kitchen, but yet I felt like I was hiding.

I still have issues after all these years. I can't truly enjoy a cupcake with a cup of milk like a normal kid. Somehow I know deep down that this issue is tied to my issue with food in general. Part of me is still that little girl that feels judged by her sisters and her father. And I'm FORTY years old! Who cares what they think of me, my house, or my children?

I feel like Liz Lemon in last week's 30 Rock show and her issue with Tom Jones. Only I've always known I have this issue and now I just need to figure out how to work through it. I need to start by not giving my own kids issues with food or making them feel judged. Sometimes I catch myself doing that and it makes me mad. There is a fine line between telling them, "no," which I don't have a problem saying to them, and telling them in a way that helps them understand that over-indulgence is unhealthy.

Isn't it lovely how we carry these issues with us for years and years? I laughed when I watched 30 Rock last week but I totally understood Tina Fey's character Liz. Maybe I'm more neurotic than I realize!

So today I had my first meltdown since I'm taking the kids to school now. You can go over and read about that on skirt! I've decided that I need to just stay home and live a stress free life. Oh yeah! I need money to do that and if I stay home I won't have any of that, therefore I'll be even more stressed. So no, that won't work. I think that what I'll do instead is write a blockbuster novel. Blockbuster novel coming up next! It's on my vision board so it's going to happen.