I Still Have Cupcake Issues After ALL these Years!

A long time ago when I was a little girl I loved cupcakes just like all little kids do. The only difference between other kids and me was that I was made to feel guilty when I ate them. I was told I was too fat and that I shouldn't eat any sweets, so then I wanted to eat them even more. One day I went to the store and bought myself one of those packs of two cupcakes. I knew that if my sisters saw me eating them they would chastise me, so instead I decided to eat them in the wash room away from their judgmental eyes. Of course one of them caught me and that was it. I would be told for the rest of my life, "Remember when you used to hide and eat cupcakes in the wash room?" It became something that I had done all the time on a regular basis and not something they caught me doing one time.

annetaintor.com (By the "we" here I mean me and my sisters)

So here I am thirty years later and I have two kids. My husband goes grocery shopping and he buys the kids cupcakes for their school lunch and I can't help feeling that that's "bad."  Worse yet, I wanted to eat one and I didn't want my children seeing me because I didn't want for them to ask for one, so I ate it in the kitchen. (they had already had one) No, I wasn't hiding. Anyone could walk into my kitchen, but yet I felt like I was hiding.

I still have issues after all these years. I can't truly enjoy a cupcake with a cup of milk like a normal kid. Somehow I know deep down that this issue is tied to my issue with food in general. Part of me is still that little girl that feels judged by her sisters and her father. And I'm FORTY years old! Who cares what they think of me, my house, or my children?

I feel like Liz Lemon in last week's 30 Rock show and her issue with Tom Jones. Only I've always known I have this issue and now I just need to figure out how to work through it. I need to start by not giving my own kids issues with food or making them feel judged. Sometimes I catch myself doing that and it makes me mad. There is a fine line between telling them, "no," which I don't have a problem saying to them, and telling them in a way that helps them understand that over-indulgence is unhealthy.

Isn't it lovely how we carry these issues with us for years and years? I laughed when I watched 30 Rock last week but I totally understood Tina Fey's character Liz. Maybe I'm more neurotic than I realize!

So today I had my first meltdown since I'm taking the kids to school now. You can go over and read about that on skirt! I've decided that I need to just stay home and live a stress free life. Oh yeah! I need money to do that and if I stay home I won't have any of that, therefore I'll be even more stressed. So no, that won't work. I think that what I'll do instead is write a blockbuster novel. Blockbuster novel coming up next! It's on my vision board so it's going to happen.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Other Reality Shows

I just can't get into Reality TV. I just can't. Maybe it's because I'm a writer and I appreciate the talent and hard work that goes into writing a fictional show instead of a reality show. I can see the appeal and I can see how people get hooked. It's like a soap opera and the people are real people, or actors trying to bust into the business, so they agreed to do a reality show.

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There are so many reality shows now that I can't even keep up with all of them. It really does seem that those are the only shows on TV. I know that my friends watch Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I enjoy reading their FB posts and I find the stories interesting when I hear recaps about them over lunch from one co-worker to another.

It isn't that I've never seen a reality show. I have actually watched a little bit of The Bad Girls Club and The Kardashians. I found them entertaining, but neither one kept me coming back for more. Maybe you'll tell me it's because it's not Jersey Shore or the Real Housewives show.

I personally prefer the genius of Seinfeld and Tina Fey, talented writers and comics, who create such a compelling story that you can't wait for the next season to find out who Liz Lemon will end up with in 30 Rock. I want to find out what will happen to Gibbs' father on NCIS. Those are writers!

But that's just me. The most excited I get about New Jersey is flying into Newark instead of La Guardia or JFK. It's the best discovery I ever made! Yeah, it may take longer to get there on the train but it takes you straight from the airport to Penn Station.

In three and a half weeks I am going to be in New York and I can not wait! I'm going for work, but I'm staying over the weekend. This time I want to do something different. I've never taken the ferry over to the Statue of Liberty so that's one thing I'm interested in doing. I also want to go to that famous cupcake shop! I always go to Zabar's on the Upper East side when I'm there.

I need to start planning my trip soon! As usual it will be part work, part fun. I'm going to attend a conference on Thursday, sales calls on Friday and then fun Friday evening through Sunday morning. My husband will play while I work, but we'll meet up in the evening and the weekend. We may even have one of our friends join us and if we do that will make it an even better trip because, although I've traveled with her many times, we've never been to NYC together! I can hardly wait! I need this trip in the worse way!

I'll say hi to the real housewives of New Jersey for y'all when I fly into Newark!

The 2010 Emmy Awards

Looking at the Emmy nominations makes me realize how little TV I watch. At first it was a conscious effort and then it just became the norm. I can actually count on one hand the number of shows I have watched on a regular basis in the last twenty years. Currently it's 30 Rock and NCIS. I love both those shows!

I decided to go through the nominees for tonight's awards and I found that I have not watched any of the shows, mini-series, or made for TV movies that are being nominated. I wanted to watch The Closer every time I would watch the commercials at the gym, but I just never did. The commercials make it look really good!

When I was growing up I lived with a sister who watched TV 24/7. I am not kidding. To the point that I did not want to watch TV for years. Once she moved away, when I was around 16, I stopped watching it all together. I read a lot and talked on the phone instead and then before I knew it I started college and I was too busy with studying to worry about it. During those years I probably only watched a Spanish novela or two with my mom during dinner.

The summer I lived in St Pete, Florida while doing an internship I didn't even have a TV in my room. I know there are many people who do the same thing. I often hear people say they don't even own a TV and if they do it's only to watch DVDs.

So this leads me to the question. How does TV even survive? Who is watching TV? With the Internet, Netflix, XBox TV shows, etc... who watches actual television with the commercials and all? Because that's how TV survives; from the advertising. If the advertisers aren't reaching their target audience and they aren't seeing an ROI on their investment (and TV is really expensive) they are going to quickly lose interest in advertising. If TV loses their advertisers they will lose more money and that is not a good thing for any media.

I started watching NCIS at the gym originally. I got caught up in some of the shows and then I saw that I could watch one of the seasons on Netflix without commercials. Since I was looking for a show to watch while I folded clothes I started watching Season 6 online on Netflix. When I finished watching those shows it was time to watch Season 7. And that's how I started watching the show on TV. Now that I think about it, that's how I started watching 30 Rock too. I watched the show on Netflix and then I moved on to television. However, I often DVR the shows and I watch them sans commercials.

So is the Internet actually helping TV or hurting it? I wonder how how many people do the same thing. How many people start watching a show online and then move on to watch it in real time? For some reason the song lyrics, "Video killed the radio star," keep running through my head. Except my question is did the "Internet kill the TV Star?"

I haven't decided if I'm watching the Emmy Awards yet. I may tune in just in time to see if Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin win in their category since they are the only two actors nominated who are in a show that I actually watch.