20 Days Into Changing My Eating & 20 Questions to Ask

Fifteen days ago I was only five days into what I was calling a "detox" at the time. Twenty days into this I'm calling it a change of lifestyle. Twelve pounds less and I'm a believer. I'm not going to say it's easy but at the same time all I've really cut out of my life is refined sugar, junk food, packaged foods, dairy, and I'm trying to eat organic. I've also gone back to drinking Arbonne protein shakes for breakfast but I've now added extra fiber and a digestion booster this time. Not to sound like a commercial for Arbonne but this is what I was drinking last time I had a big weight loss.

I'm not going to lie. I have cheated a couple of times. My nephew's graduation from law school was last weekend and I had cake. I came home from my trip and having been off of Advil for my back for a couple of days I had a much needed margarita. When I lost 10 pounds I had another margarita. I know that's bad cheating but I was so happy I had to celebrate.

Now here I am 12 pounds down and it's hard to believe. Especially since my back has been out and I haven't exercised. Now I'm sick with this wicked cough and congestion. I keep promising myself that as soon as I am better I will not take my usual good health for granted and I am getting back up on my bike. That combined with my change in eating should make an even bigger difference. Updates to come as soon as I'm better.

I blogged last time about an article that I read in O Magazine that was really great and thought-provoking. It's in the April issue, "20 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself." Some of these questions really made me think and self-examine. I used them to reflect on me and my life and they are questions I should re-visit again and again because life brings changes. Definitely an article to keep.

I won't list all of the questions, just my top 11 favorites. I'll assign them the number given in the article so you can reference them and see the commentary written about each one by a different writer.

1. Do I examine my life enough. - Sometimes too much and sometimes not enough.
2. Do I care too much about what people think? - Yes, one of my biggest problems.
4. What's your deal breaker? - A few things I know for sure. Prejudice and bigotry.
5. What do I really want to do all day? - Read, write and self-educate.
6. How do I want to be remembered? - Good person w/ a great sense of humor & good mom.
11. What am I afraid of? - Failing my children.
12. Am I paying enough attention to the incredible things around me? - Not enough.
13. Have I accepted my body?- Yes and no
14. Am I strong enough? - Still need to work on this but I do think I'm strong for my children.
17. Does what I wear reflect who I am? -This is a whole other blog topic & the answer is No.
19. Do I let myself fail enough? - Yes! That's what I've been doing this whole year. It's a re-birthing experience.

So there you go, 11 of the 20 questions. You may have other questions that mean something to you that I didn't list, so go read the O magazine article. It's a really good one. Next blog may just be about #17.

I Sabotage Myself

Friday while at the gym I was looking at my reflection in the big mirrors next to the treadmill and elliptical and I thought I looked really fat. My reasonable self knew that I've worked out for seven weeks straight so there is no possible way I can be fatter than I was two months ago. I also knew that I was bloated, particuarly on Friday, so of course my belly was probably portruding more than usual. However, I still looked at myself and I had one of those moments when I thought, "What's the point in working out?" It's a dangerous place for me to go.

Image borrowed from theseanachai.com

I remember coming back to school in 7th grade after working hard all summer on dieting and exercising, yes in 7th grade! And I remember my good friend Aristotole (yes, that's his real name) commenting to his friend Wayne right in front of me that I'd lost weight over the summer. Wayne turned around and said bluntly and matter-of-factly, "Yeah, but she's still fat." I remember that same feeling of what was the use. I didn't even like either boy. I was just a 7th grade girl feeling the peer pressure to look thin. Back then unless you were as skinny as some of the really slim girls you were considered fat. Middle school is definitely the time when girls lose their self-confidence. It's a brutal time.

Now I'm a 40 year old woman. I've survived middle school, high school, college, post college young years, marriage, pregnancies, 20 year high school reunion, and yet here I am, looking at myself in the mirror at the gym and feeling like that 7th grade girl.

And this is when I sabbotage myself. I start thinking like I did in high school and college that I'm overweight anyway and what difference will it do. I stop working out and I return to my same old habits.

This time I'm not. I'm going to take a shower and then I'm packing my gym bag for tomorrow and I'll keep on going. Today starts Week 8 and I already walked for one hour.

Tomorrow morning I'm going into the lap band clinic and I'm getting a long-needed fill. I'll address my concerns about the lap band working or not working, and then I'll be on liquids for two days and soft foods on the third day. This will be a good week for weight loss.