We Are All Like Stairs, One Step After Another

The thought of my children’s fetal cells living on in my body is pretty amazing. The article I read today from NPR says that some cells may act as little sentinels looking out for breast cancer cells and killing them.

Normal Cells from WikiCommons

I’m comforted by that thought. Also by the idea that their cells stayed in my body long after they were born and traveled to my heart and other vital organs. But it’s the idea of them being in my heart that especially makes me feel like there’s even  more reason why we love our children so much. A part of them is technically inside our hearts until we die. How poetic!

The other theory is equally amazing. We very likely have the cells of all of our siblings who shared our mother’s body with us. Since I’m my mother’s sixth child that means that I possibly have the cells of my 4 older sisters and my brother, who I never met because he was born premature and died shortly after birth. He was born right before me so he left the most recent fetal cells when I was growing in my mother’s womb. And if the theory is correct, then I am the only sibling who carries his cells because I was the only sister born after him. Amazing!

Another thought that warms my heart is that my sisters and I all carry cells from our beloved eldest sister who passed away in 1995. The thought that I carry part of her inside of me is so remarkable. I love thinking that part of her is really here with me.

In reality we each carry part of our mother, grandmother and great-grandmother inside of us too. It reminds me of a line in The Joy Luck Club from the character An-Mei when she said that when we are born a girl to our mother we are “like stairs, one step after another, going up, going down, but always going the same way.”

Claiming Ownership of that Freed Self

“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” -Toni Morrison

 

I am working so hard to claim ownership of my freed self in so many areas of my life. I still don't feel completely free, but last week I took one step I really needed to take.

Image borrowed from Wikimedia Commons

One of my biggest pet peeves are unsolicited visits. I do not like to be caught off guard. I do not subscribe to the belief that your house should always be clean and ready for any spontaneous visitor. I think that belief is rude, antiquated and it enslaves us to live our lives for other people. Something I am working very hard on not doing any more.

I've been receiving periodic visits, phone messages and sometimes text messages from a certain group of people, but last week they went overboard.

The kids were at their dad's and I was struggling with getting sick so I was sleeping in. Suddenly I was startled awake by some loud knocking on my wall. It literally scared me awake and in turn made me angry. The person who had knocked on my wall left me a note slipped in my back door so I knew exactly who it was. It wasn't one of the usual visitors. I don't think one of them would have over-stepped my boundaries in this way.

It's one thing for someone to knock on my door like a normal person, but for someone to walk into my back yard and knock on my bedroom wall was way more intrusive than I could take. I felt like I had to take drastic measures and most importantly, I had to put my foot down and let them know how I felt.

I sent a text asking one of the representatives of this group to please ask everyone to please refrain from visiting me without an invitation. Just a nice, short note to make my point. She didn't reply to acknowledge that she had received my message but I really hope she did. I didn't call because I didn't want for her to try to engage me in any conversation and that would have definitely led to more drama.

Up to this point I was like Billy Crystal's character Harry in "When Harry Met Sally." I was being NICE! I wasn't being rude and I was trying to avoid any drama. This group means well. They want to know that I'm doing okay and the genuinely believe that they need to "save me." The thing is, I have learned in these two years away from them that I don't want that. I want to be free of their visits and their concern.

Sending that text message told them that and however small it may seem, it was huge. It was setting my foot down and telling them, "Please don't visit me any more. Please don't knock on my door."

The same day that this all happened I was listening to The Moth radio hour on NPR and I heard a piece by Jen Lee, "a publisher, producer and a performer in New York City's storytelling scene." She spoke about her experience going home to visit her religious family and her daughter's experience with Sunday School. You have to listen to this piece to truly appreciate the story, but I could completely relate to it and it was funny that it was playing on this particular day.

I knew what she meant when she said that her daughter had felt singled out by the kids because she didn't go to church back home. And I could understand the struggle that Jen Lee was referring to when she said that when she was comforting and reassuring her daughter, she was also comforting her child self. I could relate because it's also part of the reason why I am still being vague while I write this and I question myself as to why I can't be completely open.

I'm still working on freeing myself and claiming ownership of that freed self. I realize I have a long way to go, but I'm trying.

Handkerchiefs and Other Musings

Yesterday I was talking to my dad and he has a bad cold, but he was still going out. I told him to make sure he had some Kleenex to wipe his nose. When I said that I remembered that he doesn't carry Kleenex because he carries a handkerchief. I asked him if he realized that no one carries a handkerchief.

"They don't?" he asked surprised, "Why not?"
"Because they don't. Only older men carry handkerchiefs."
"I didn't know that."

Isn't that interesting? I looked up the word handkerchief on Wikipedia, because of course I became interested in the subject now. I found out that one of the reasons people don't use handkerchiefs is because they consider it unhygienic. When people started using Kleenex instead, they stopped using handkerchiefs.

I asked a couple of people if they carried handkerchiefs. My babysitter's husband who is 65 said he used to but that he hasn't in a long time. I asked my husband and he said, "Gross, no!" He's one of the one that considers it unhygienic.

It reminded me of my wedding and how my friend Liz gave us all handkerchiefs to use since I had an outside wedding in August (I know, insane). They were beautiful handkerchiefs, embroidered with little flowers, and they sure came in handy that day. We used them to wipe our sweat when the guy who married us went on for almost an hour, instead of the 20 minutes my husband asked for.

Then I thought of my daughter. The way the world has changed so much since my dad was a young man, or how much it's changed in our lifetime, imagine how much more it will have changed by the time my daughter is an adult. Will she even know what a handkerchief is?

I took out her baby bonnet and I explained to her how it would become a handkerchief when she gets married. At my baby shower the same friend, Liz, gave me a beautiful white bonnet for her. It came with a little card insert that said that the baby would wear the bonnet and when she grew up it would become a handkerchief for her wedding day. I just thought that was so beautiful.

Of course I had to remind her what a handkerchief is. I guess if I keep reminding her until she gets married she'll remember.

Other Musings

I am such a sucker for Pampered Chef. I love their gadgets. I have so many already! One of my favorites is the jar opener. I like the way it can open anything as small as a jug of apple juice to a jar of honey.

NPR Features for Black History Month:
Yesterday I heard an excellent segment on the historic move by four black students who started a national sit-in at businesses that wouldn't serve African Americans.

It reminded me of something my dad used to see when he was a young boy in the '30s and '40s. When his family used to go work in the fields in West Texas he used to see signs outside of diners that read, "We don't serve Mexicans or Dogs." That also reminded me of the cities around the U.S. that are passing laws saying that they won't rent to illegal immigrants. How far have we really come as a human society?

Update on "This I Believe" Essay

Hello all! Here is my update. I went to record my essay at KUHF today. First of all, their (not so new offices) new office is beautiful!They've had this building for a few years now, but it wasn't there when I was there. They built it after I left there. This picture doesn't do it justice and the view from all the windows is great.

I worked for UH Student Publications when I was in school and later after I worked at the Chronicle, the first round, I worked there for a couple of years. During that time we shared the same Communication building. They sure have come a long way! Now they share this beautiful building with Channel 8.

My recording went really well. I met with one of their senior producers. He said that they will air my segment in May. When they do it will also go online on KUHF.com so anyone can go on and listen to it at any time.

Thanks for all the notes and all the well-wishers!

My Newest BIG NEWS

I am so excited!! Over a year ago I posted a blog entry about how I sent NPR an essay for their "This I Believe" series. I never heard back from them so I posted my essay on here.

TODAY I received an e-mail from KUHF telling me that they are now teaming up with NPR to present local segments of "This I Believe". He said that NPR had forwarded them my essay and that they want for me to go in and record it for the local show!!

I was so extremely excited that I screamed. I called my husband immediately and then proceeded to call each of my three sisters and my dad.

When something like this happens it just makes me feel so good about my writing. I felt validated, even though I know I should be confident on my own. But it still feels good.

I especially loved it when the radio producer said, "I think your essay is outstanding and I believe it would be a great radio piece for our listeners to enjoy."

Talk about a shot of confidence in the arm! Thank you KUHF!!!

I go in and record it on Thursday. I'll keep you all posted on what date they'll have it on the air.