My Crazy Dreams

I have a reoccurring dream every so often. I'm in college and I have to take a test for a class I never went to all semester. When I check my schedule I was supposed to have taken the class but for some reason, unexplained to me, I never went to class. In the dream I'm always having an anxiety attack and I'm asking myself first of all, why didn't I go to class? I realize that somehow I forgot to go all semester long.

Next I'm trying to figure out if I can go ahead and take the test and just guess at the answers or should I just forget it all together? And the best part is this. This is my last semester and if I fail this class I'm going to have to go back to school for one more semester just to take this class. Not the end of the world, but in my dream I feel like it is.

I always wonder what this dream means. I don't mean in some psychic sense, because I don't believe in that. I mean in a psychological sense. I know that I must be feeling inadequate in some area of my life.

Last night I had an interesting twist to this dream. I was in Miranda's class and they were having a test, maybe a spelling test, that I knew nothing about. I was walking Miranda into her class room, which I never do, we drop the kids off in front of school. I panicked when I realized they were having a test. I hadn’t even had time to study the words with her. It changed and it was me taking the test instead of her and it was her teacher administering the test.

This time the dream is crystal clear to me and maybe it explains my own dream too. I feel out of control. For the first time in Miranda's life I feel like I'm somewhat out of control of the situation. By out of control I mean that I'm not there with her in school watching what she says and does. She is now on her own as far as her behavior. I'm also out of control as to whether she listens to the teacher and learns. She has to do it on her own. It's my job to build on that when she comes home, but I’m really not in control of what happens while she's in school.

And what about the part about me taking the test instead of her? I think I must feel responsible for her success or failure. I feel like I too am being graded as a parent. I’m terrible about getting her to school on time! That’s something that I struggle with every day. I have to get her to school by 7:55 because they bell rings by 8 and instead I always slide into the driveway by 8:05, right before the tardy bell, but still late none-the-less. I beat myself up about it every day, but I still continue to run late.

Isn’t that crazy? I guess it’s part of the craziness of being a parent. The funny thing is that it answers the question about my own dream too. I guess I am a control freak after all! :) As if we didn't all know this.