Tuesday, February 11, 2014

On My 44th Year of Life

Last night I was on the phone with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while. She asked me how long it had been since I left the Chronicle, my job of 16 years, and I told her nine months. She laughed at the irony of 9 months- the time that we are pregnant- and said that it was as if I had rebirthed myself. I also laughed because I hadn't thought of that coincidence. Also that now, right around my 44th birthday, I have decided to go back to work full time after a 9 month hiatus. Born again.

Me at around one year old.

Nine months to reflect and to enjoy life. Nine months of time with my kids that I had never had before. I don't regret anything. I am grateful for the time that I have had and I am grateful for all the other things I have had in this time. I appreciate our time at the beach at the beginning of the summer, our vacation to DC, NY and Philly, being able to pick up Seth at 3 p.m. from school, having dinner made by 5 many days, being here to help with my dad, editing my novel and finding an editor to help me, and just having the choice.

So many people don't have that choice. I've done something that so many people wish they could do. I also appreciate the opportunity that I've had to start my own business and to be my own boss. That has been a great experience and although I've appreciated it, my realistic side has told me that I'm not making enough and it's time for me to go back to work.

I have been very fortunate. I have been healthy, my kids are healthy, my dad has gotten a lot better since he started living with me, and I have had the means to support us. I have also been able to help out a friend in need.

Yes there have also been challenges. There always are because that's what life is all about.

Last night I watched the latest episode of GIRLS, "Free Snacks,"and I could totally relate to Hannah and her struggle. I have always struggled with my writing and making a living. So much so that sometimes I feel like I'm not a serious writer because I haven't really made the time in my life to write full time. Even in these 9 months that I've been working for myself I have been trying to build my business to make money. I told myself that I was doing this as a means to an end- to have more freedom to write- but I didn't really write. I edited, which is great, and I still have more editing to do, but I didn't write my next novel.

So if I'm going to mention any one regret that would be it. Even then it's only a half regret because at least I got Novel #1 edited and now I can get it ready for publishing. That in itself was a great accomplishment and something I hadn't been able to do in 8 years because I was working full time and caught up in all the other intricacies of life. So I can't complain and I have to show gratitude for this too.

Every year I make my goals at the beginning of the year but since my birthday is in February I take this time to revisit those goals and to revise them where needed. This week my revision was a big one. I decided I am going back to work full time. I've put the word out on Facebook and LinkedIn. I've let the world know that I'm going back to work full time! Now let's see what comes back to me.

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