Thoughts of Daddy

My dad is 88 and all the funny and eccentric that you would expect from someone who has lived as long as he has. I guess he's earned that right when he's only 12 years from 100.

Picture by Loida Casares

I love this picture I took of him reading his Houston Chronicle, like he has all my life. Next to him on the wall is my son's birth announcement right below some gory pictures of one of my kids coming out of my stomach. I love the way he just has them pinned on the wall for any visitor to admirer. Thanks Daddy!

Picture by Diana Casares

I just sent this picture to my cousin recently. I knew he would love it. Even though you can't see all of my father's face it captures his mannerisms so well. This is my dad telling a story, with his hands out. I totally get my talking with my hands from him. He is so animated when he's telling a story, one of the reasons we have always loved hearing him. And I love the look on my cousin Oscar's face and how he's smiling at my dad, so obviously loving whatever he is hearing and just being with my dad and being able to enjoy still having him with us.

My dad turned 88 in March. We just went to our family reunion around 3 weeks ago. (That's where the picture above was taken.) We hadn't had one in over 30 years and he didn't get to go to the last one, when several of his brothers were alive. This reunion was especially special because my dad was there and he was the only original child of my grandfather and grandmother who could make it. I have one uncle left, but he's 93 and in a nursing home in California.

Yesterday my dad woke up feeling short of breath and like something was sitting on his chest. My sister took him to the hospital. They admitted him and decided to keep him overnight because his heart was accelerated. I went by to see him last night and my sister went to pick him up today. Instead she called to tell me that they couldn't get his heart regulated so they are keeping him another day.

Yes, I"m scared. He's 88, he already has a pacemaker, and if his heart is accelerated that isn't good. It shouldn't be doing that. All I can do is try to be positive, hope for the best, and appreciate the time I have with him.

A Weekend of Reflection

This was a very significant weekend for me. It was a turning point in so many areas, but mainly in the area of making my own decisions and moving on with my life post-divorce.

Sometimes it's scary making decisions that you know others won't agree with. Sometimes it's scary speaking up and telling others that you don't agree with their idea of how you should live your life. It's also scary letting others into your personal space.  I know this and more. It's all part of moving on with my life and getting it back in order.

As many of you know I'm not going to BS you, most of the time :), and I'm pretty much an open book. I am very open about my hatred for cleaning and housework. Well, this week I completed my goal of getting all main rooms clean. I have even kept them clean for one whole week. I see this as my post-divorce clean-up. Yes, 9 months later, but a clean-up none-the-less.

Now it's time to start on the biggest post-divorce project of all- my bedroom. I'm calling it "Project Mayhem." I know the definition of mayhem is "Infliction of violent injury on a person or thing; wanton destruction." Well that's what has happened to my bedroom since my divorce. It has become the dumping ground for everything in the house. It has been violently destroyed over the past year and it's not a place of refuge or escape. I feel like I am restoring my bedroom and nursing it back from mayhem.

So this week I move on to the second part of my project and my strategy of taking on this housework piecemeal. I need to do it this way so that I won't lose my mind and become overwhelmed. It's the only way that I can do housework.

Baby steps!

Getting Organized, Getting On with My Life

A long time ago, it seems, I could afford a cleaning lady. It was awesome. I had someone come in either once a week or every other week to help me with the heavy lifting. I loved the feeling of coming home to a clean smelling, dust-free house. That was months ago, maybe even a year ago. I can actually remember the very last time I had my house cleaned by someone else and it was around February 11. I remember because it was close to my 42nd birthday.

Image by annetaintor.com

I am not going to lie. I've said it before and I'm not embarrassed to say it. I hate housework. Not just a little. I mean I REALLY hate housework. I hate cleaning, washing dishes, doing laundry, folding clothes, ironing clothes. You name it and I will tell you I hate it. I'm much happier reading and writing.

I hate gardening and anything yard related. I detest it.  Of course I would love it if someone did all these things for me. I would love it if I had a cleaning lady again and had a professional landscaper come in and design my yard. I have such a huge yard that I could have a beautiful garden. I'd love it, but I don't have it.

Back in May I blogged on my skirt! blog about getting un-unorganized. (if you read that blog you'll understand the why) It's July and I'm barely starting on this project. I keep saying I'm going to do it and I don't. This and that gets in the way. I get in my way. My anxiety gets in the way because I just get overwhelmed with the whole thing.

Well this week I was finally able to somewhat overcome that overwhelmed feeling. I approached it by tackling one room per day. I started with the kitchen, then the dining room, the living room and now I have to tackle the hall and the restroom. I got to the point when I said enough is enough. I have to get myself organized in order to get on with my life. After the restroom I am going to start on the even bigger challenge of tackling my bedroom. My bedroom alone is a week long project.

I have literally been letting this get in the way of my moving on with my life. I feel like if I can do this then I can move on. It's weird and it's a psychological thing I'm sure, but it is what it is. I have let this get bigger than me to the point that I don't even want to accept visitors.

My house is a symbol of my failed marriage. I've always felt like that. It's not that my marriage fell apart because we never remodeled this house. It's that my marriage was like this house or, this house is an example of what my marriage was like. We could never fix it... We said we would but something always came up and we never did. We had a very "all or nothing" approach to it. It seemed like we either wanted to fix everything at once, or nothing at all. We couldn't tackle one project at a time.

I was talking to my father about it this week and I told him that I really want to remodel this house on my own. I want to be able to say I did it and on my own. It will be the final self-therapy that I need. When I do this I will feel like I've truly moved on.

Never Say the Last One

Just one more! Yes, I forgot this one. Another favorite from the same ad campaign. Sorry, but I had to include it in the bunch. "The only person you are destined to become is the person YOU DECIDE to be." Such strong words!

Last Nike Quote Ad

OK, not really THE last Nike Quote. I'm sure I will find other awesome ones I'll want to share. This is the last one I could find of the original print ads that I quoted in my very first blog post about Nike Quotes. 

I couldn't find the one that started, "You don't stand in front of a mirror before a run and wonder what the road will think of your outfit." I also couldn't find an image of the original Nike T-shirt that said, "I am woman, watch me score." I would have loved to have one of those.

So here is the Barry Sanders quote ad.