My Mother's Little Helper

This may end up as a crazy blog entry so I'm warning you ahead of time. So, you've been warned. And if it doesn't end up crazy then you're okay. I needed my mother's little helper today when I got home from work. Well first I had a nap, something I only do when I'm really tired or down in the dumps.

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I had a tough day today. Yes, I did. I'm a mother, wife, and I'm an employee. I work full time against my better judgement, but I have to pay the bills. The problem is... do I dare say it here where the whole world can see it? I don't think my heart is in hard selling any more. It hasn't been in a while. I already sold and I'm done with that. I enjoy all of the product development part of a publication a lot more. I enjoy project management.

So I'm at a weird crossroads in my life yet again. There isn't a position like that open at work right now and as much as I really want to do it, I can't convince the powers that be that we need a position like this one, which we do. So I have to keep doing the job at hand because that's the job I've been assigned and it's also the job that pays the bills.

Enough said about that. I feel like my job is like a lot of other things in my life. I ask myself that question that's taped on my computer, "What would  you do if you knew you could not fail?" And the answer isn't practical when you're the mom of two young children.

I just know this that if by some miracle I came into money I would not live in Houston. I would live in a tiny house in the Italian countryside and I would write full time while the kids learned a new language or attended American school, depending on how close we lived to one. I would live a very simple life and I would concentrate on reading and writing all day long.

What would you do? I know I've asked that question before but it's a great one and I need to keep asking it of myself until I finally do something about it.

Do You Know Where You're Going To? (ala Diana Ross)

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Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?

Where are you going to? do you know?

Do you get what you're hoping for?

When you look behind you there's no open door

What are you hoping for?

Do you know?

Song by Diana Ross
 
I blogged about the vision board over on skirt a couple of weeks ago and then I mentioned following our dreams again this past week.  I love that quote by Sam Phillips in Walk the Line. Sometimes I watch the movie up to that part just so I can hear it again. The actor who portrays Sam Phillips, Dallas Roberts, does such a great job in that scene just telling it like it is.
 
That speech he gives Johnny Cash includes so many things in life. It wasn't just about a song. It was about Johnny Cash embracing that moment, that rare chance that he had been given to audition. Sam is asking him to give it his all, to show him what he has in him. It was as if Johnny Cash was lying in that gutter in that very moment. As we know, he did grasp that moment and he gave him his all. He proved that he had it in him to be a star.

The truth is that I blogged about the vision board on July 4 and now it is the 16th and I still haven't made the board. Why? Because there is one part of me that's stuck and what's worse is that I can't even talk about it here because it's career related. Let's just say that I still feel like I am still at some crazy crossroads in my life. It's a very uncomfortable place to be in life and not where I want to be at forty. At the same time maybe it's not a bad thing because I'm at the halfway point of my life.

I hope that the vision board helps give me some direction. If not there's always my trustworthy PROS and CONS list.