My Green Mile Moment

Magnet by Anne TaintorI don't often discuss the nasty side effects of the lap band because you all would just think I was downright gross. But I have to share this story because it's SO GROSS and freaking hilarious all at the same time. So prepare yourself if you aren't into hearing gross stories especially those that have to do with puke.

Okay, one nasty side effect is that food sometimes gets stuck and I either have to wait patiently for it to pass through the small opening that now goes to my stomach or I have to let it back out. I know it sounds gross but it's not like nasty bile vomit. It's more like I skim off the top before it's been digested and gets all gross and stinky. Are you grossed out yet? Well I think I am just describing it to you.

So if you are brave enough to keep reading. A couple of days before my surgery I stopped by Starbucks to get a coffee. I was running late and what's even better to do when you're running late but to just run later, right? After I got my coffee and I took a few sips I started feeling really "tight." That's the sensation that I feel in the morning a lot of times because my lap band is tighter when I wake up. I feel like I can't swallow very much and the coffee goes down slow. Forget drinking anything cold first thing. I usually drink something hot, like coffee, and I'm better.

But this morning in particular it was not getting better. In fact after a few sips I was feeling worse. What was even weirder was the granulous (I know not a word but the only one I can think best describes it) feeling that I was getting in my throat, like sand or something grainy like that. Weird. As I approached work it got even worse so as soon as I got into the building I ran into the restroom to get it out. That's when it happened.

I had my "Green Mile Moment." You know the moment. When John Coffey (like the drink only not spelled the same) spits out all the evil into tiny little specs. THAT is what I threw up. YES! I threw up all the evil I had inside. It was like I had eaten something (this is even grosser) the day before maybe?? and it was stuck in there in tiny little grains. OR Rey thinks that maybe there was something in my coffee and I didn't realize it. Either one is gross and I don't know which one is worse.

Rey asked me if "I took it back." I laughed so hard when he said that. I told him I'd gotten all the evil out like John Coffey.

I told one of my sisters the story today and she said, "Thanks a lot for telling me this as I eat some peanuts and they are grainy." LOL!!!