My sadness, my passion, my sadness again

My melancholy feelings from the last week of May turned into something unexpected. Have you ever had one of those moments when you just change? That’s what’s happened to me this week. Okay, not some life changing change but a slight change, a change none-the-less.

I was feeling kind of melancholy a couple of weeks ago. I saw a sad movie and then I started listening to this CD with several songs of unrequited love and memories. I think it got me started thinking about my own life and the things I still have left to do. I also think I wanted to feel alive and passionate about something and the more I thought about it I did start feeling that way. I’m not exactly sure if that’s what happened but it’s the best explanation I can think of.

What surprises me more than anything, and I think surprises my husband more, is that I also have a change in my attitude. I’m not saying I was negative, by no means, but I wasn’t this charged and full of energy. The power of the mind is really amazing.

In the middle of this new appreciation for life, and of my husband, I received some devastating news that made me appreciate life even more.

A friend’s son died today from a rare form of liver cancer. He was only two years old. I first received the news of his illness on Monday and then yesterday I learned that he had an aggressive form of cancer in its last stage. The news caught me unexpectedly and it’s been such a shock that I still find it hard to believe. He was sick suddenly and then just a few days later they received the diagnosis. They took him home to spend one last night with them in their home and the next day he passed away.

It breaks my heart to just imagine the pain they must be going through. I can’t even start to imagine what that last night together must have been like. When I think about it I start to cry.

I came home yesterday after receiving the initial news about the cancer and I just hugged my baby boy. They were the same age. My friend and I were pregnant at the same time. We often shared pictures and updates about our little boys. It doesn’t seem possible that now she’s been robbed of the opportunity to see hers grow up.

I felt sad but I felt grateful. I hugged my little boy and I thanked God that he is healthy. It made me so conscious of the fact that none of us are safe from anything in life. Unforeseen occurrences can befall us all. At the same time we can’t let that paralyze us and stop us from living, can it?

My sadness, my passion, my sadness again.