Death Reminds Me to Live

I've had four very significant deaths in my life these past thirty years. This August it will be thirty years since my eldest sister died from Leukemia. I lost my mother in 2000 and my father in 2018. All of them were sick or old, so I expected death. Maybe not the exact day that they died, but I knew they were going to die, and it wasn't a shock. But I was still affected by their deaths because I loved them. 

When Rey died, I wasn't ready. Not at all. And it's something I'm still struggling with eight months later. It's still a very surreal feeling that he was here one day and gone the next. Just like that. No warning. 

It's very complicated to explain my and Rey's relationship. It was love and hate, push and pull, obsessive, co-dependent, unhealthy, and yet a co-parenting partnership that many admired. Nobody except my closest friends, family and our children knew the real truth. It's not a topic for a short blog post. It's a whole book's worth and maybe a book I should write in the future. 

Yes, I was very close to my sister, my mother and my father, who lived with me the last four years of his life, but even then, I wasn't as close to them as I was to Rey. Nobody was inside my head like he was. 

Eleven years ago, I started a list of people who had died, family and friends. I think I started it to remind myself of all the people who died at an age that is considered young. I did this to remind myself of how short life can be for some and to embrace life. There are two co-workers on the list who died at 39 and 47 from cancer. There are also two classmates who died in their early 40s, both suddenly in their sleep, like Rey. I added him to that list this week. 

Ghent, Belgium

I go back to the original reason why I wrote the list, because when someone dies, I'm reminded of my own mortality and how fragile life can be. I say that I'm going to do better, that I'm going to eat better, and exercise more. I say that I'm going to appreciate life more and do all the things that bring me joy. 

Death affects me. Death is shaping me. Death is making me reevaluate my life once again. Death reminds me to LIVE.  Especially now, when I'm ten years away from retirement and terrified that I won't live long enough to enjoy it. One of the people on my list was a co-worker who was counting down the months to her retirement and was found dead in her bed when she didn't show up to work. 

This summer vacation to Europe was a reminder of how much I want to travel when I retire. I'm realistic enough to know that I need to keep working and that I need to do well, so I can have the kind of retirement that I want. I need to work to have the money, and I need health insurance to help keep me healthy. 

When I was 24 and my sister was diagnosed with cancer, I reevaluated my life for the first time, and I did something impulsive and quit my job. I felt like I had rushed to finish college and had started working too soon. I thought that I wanted to become a teacher or move to Europe to teach English, so I started substitute teaching and spent a month in Spain during the summer of 1995. I started planning my move with a friend in Spain, but in the end no, I didn't move to Spain. 

I'm no 24-year-old girl anymore and I can't quit my job and plan to move to Europe right now. I have a mortgage, a son who has a year of college left and a daughter starting graduate school. I still have people I'm responsible for, at least for two more years. 

So instead, I choose to live a life of intention. I will do the things that bring me joy; like going to art museums, to book reading events with authors, collaging, writing, reading, going to book club meetings, working on my little libraries, supporting a historic cemetery, volunteering at non-profit organizations, mentoring young professionals, and doing 5K runs, and the list goes on. 

I recently took a writing class with a writer's organization, Writespace and I decided to become a member. I'm attending two of their events this month. My goal is to do more writing activities with groups, so I can stay motivated to write and to start submitting my work to literary magazines. 

I went to see the Psychedelic Furs band perform Saturday night and Richard Butler and his brother Tim Butler are 69 and 66. They still sound the same as they did forty years ago. As I was sitting there listening to them, I marveled at the fact that one of the reasons they're still performing is because they love what they do. I've heard the saying before, that when you love what you do for work, it's like you're not working a day in your life.  You can tell by their performance that they love their careers. That is my goal, to have a career that I'm passionate about while I still have to work. 

When I mention retiring some people tell me that they'll be bored when they retire and I don't understand that. I'll have more time to do the things I love when I retire. The weekends are too short for me!  I wish I could stretch the time out to do everything that I want to do. 

Like this upcoming week, I have something to do every single evening of the week and I'm okay with that. It's just me "creating happiness for myself.," like Isa Rae said. And that is all I need right now.

Recap of the Last Week of the European Adventure 2025

I know I'm writing this late as hell. I debated if I should write it at all, being that it's been two weeks and two days since we returned. But I feel like I have to finish the story.

Copenhagen, Roskilde (Denmark) and Malmo (Sweden)

June 2-6 

By the time I got to the second week in Denmark I was a little tired, even though I tried to practice "slow travel." My left foot, that has been bothering me since I twisted it six months ago on and off, decided to start hurting after the first week of walking on average 10,500 steps per day. 

Monique and Henning were wonderful hosts and gave us keys so we could come and go as we wanted, especially since Monique was working some of the days we were staying with them. I've known Monique since kindergarten, but we became best friends when we were placed in the same first grade class at Sanderson Elementary. 

The first day we set out on an adventure to Roskilde, Denmark. Thirty-nine Danish monarchs are buried in the cathedral that dates back to 1275. 

Roskilde Cathedral, 1225

When we arrived in Roskilde we took the bus to the Viking Museum first. It was a really cool and interesting experience. They have partly reconstructed several Viking ships with pieces that they found in the bay off the coast of Roskilde. The archeologists have studied these remains, and the museum has reconstructed models that they have out on the water, outside the museum. It's an ongoing archaeological study. 

After the museum we made the 30-minute walk through a beautiful park towards the cathedral pictured here. The sarcophagi are beautiful pieces of art, each one unique and amazing. I don't know which one was my favorite because they were all so beautiful. 

We returned to Copenhagen and delicious a wonderful lasagna dinner made by Henning. 

The next day was all about Copenhagen. We set out in the morning and stopped in at their amazing department store Magasin du Nord. Monique had pointed it out when we passed it at the subway level the day we arrived. We just wanted to peek in, but when we discovered the cafe, we had to stop there for coffee and something light for breakfast. I made friends with the guy who worked the cafe and found we both had a love for old architecture. We made a plan to return on our way home that afternoon to buy gifts. I'm so glad we did because unbeknownst to us everything was going to be closed the next day for Constitution Day. 

After breakfast we set off to see one of the most famous landmarks in Copenhagen. The Little Mermaid. 

The Little Mermaid

The walk to get to her was long and through another beautiful park and old fortress. Later Monique told me there was a bus we could have taken all the way up to the statue. That would have been great, to save time, but we wouldn't have had the great experience of the park and the beautiful things we saw along the way, statues, a great old church, fountains and interesting historic fortress. 

The Little Mermaid is beautiful. Interesting trivia about her. She was commissioned by Carl Jacobsen, the son of the founder of Carlsberg Beer. When we were in Roskilde we learned that the statues around the sarcophagus belonging to Christian the 9th and his wife Lousie are known as the Little Mermaid's sisters and were created by the same artist and sculptor, Edward Erikesen. 

We returned with just enough time to do some sightseeing around Magasin. The store building itself is breathtaking and historic. The architecture style is French Renaissance Revival. It took the "du Nord" part of its name from the "Hotel du Nord" that stood there first. When the store got its start in Copenhagen they had rented space in the hotel. As they grew, they were able to take over the entire hotel. They demolished the original hotel, where Hans Christian Andersen had once boarded, and built the department store that we now see, in 1894.

The store is across the street from the old opera house, known as the Royal Danish Theatre.  In front of the theatre is Kogens Nytorv, the largest square in the city. Several important buildings face the square. I took pictures of all of them because I loved all the beautiful architectural styles. 

After shopping, we made it back just in time to go to dinner with Monique and Henning. We had Chinese food and great conversation. It was the end to a great day.

On our last day we took a day trip with Monique to Malmo, Sweden and Monique's daughter Danielle met us at the Malmo Central Train Station. She lives in another town not too far from Malmo. 

Malmo Central Station

We saw another beautiful church, had lunch, and walked around looking at all the historic buildings. We ended the day in a comic bookstore, where we found a book in English, originally written and published in Swedish, for Miranda's nephew Anthony. 

I was tired by the time we were at our 12th travel day. I didn't do my usual research of the top historic things I wanted to see, so I missed out on some interesting things in Malmo. But it didn't really matter because it was wonderful to finally meet Danielle in person, after watching her grow up on Facebook. The visit in itself made the trip well worth it and I know it was special for Monique because she doesn't get to see her daughter as often as she'd like. 

We flew home from Copenhagen on Friday morning. 

I now have plans for a whole Scandinavian tour, starting in Copenhagen and traveling up through Norway, Sweden and Finland. I would like to be strategic on where I visit, and I'll only spend two days in each city with a couple of "break" days in between, so I don't get too tired. 

Other trips I'd like to plan are: a trip through all the countries in the United Kingdom, a trip to Portugal and Spain (for Miranda because I've been to Spain many times) and a trip to Greece. 

I just got back two weeks ago and I'm already plotting my return! More than, that I'm writing out my goals on how I can retire in five years so I can keep traveling. 

P.S. When the boys left us in Amsterdam they proceeded on an adventure through Luxembourg, Zurich, Switzerland and on to Venice, Italy. Ethan left Italy the same day we left Denmark and Seth stayed on in Italy for another week.

The Great European Adventure 2025: Almost at the End

Friday, May 30, Day 6, Amsterdam, Netherlands

Amsterdam has too many tourists for my taste. I felt overwhelmed by the people, and it made me realize even more how I would like to concentrate on small towns with interesting histories. But, regardless of the tourists it's a beautiful city and I enjoyed the museums. 

Miranda and I woke up late after a late night out on Thursday. We had brunch and then we met up with the boys at the Van Gogh Museum. It was another great museum experience with all the art organized in chronological order as it told the story of his life. 

After the museum, we sat in a cafe and enjoyed a coffee and conversation with a couple from Italy. We walked around a lot and ended up at the Torture Museum that early evening. A total tourist trap, but it was actually interesting, and Miranda loved it. 

We met the boys again that evening and went out for a couple of drinks with them because they were going to head out the next day. 

Saturday, May 31, Day 7, Amsterdam Netherlands

We went to the Rembrandt House and Museum. We walked through some great neighborhoods to get there, but there were crowds of people everywhere we turned. 

The house and the story of Rembrandt's life was very interesting and sad. I had no idea he had such a sad life and lost his home. Ironically, it was towards the end of his life, when he wasn't in this house, that he made his most famous masterpieces.

Later that day we went out on a canal tour about the history of the canals and Amsterdam. We had a fun group of Americans on our end of the boat and a great tour guide named Roland. Miranda and I ended up really enjoying it and we were glad we did it. 

We did one more touristy thing before leaving Amsterdam. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner, and we bought a shot glass in honor of Rey, who used to collect their shot glasses. It was a cool one and we had a really great waitress. 

Sunday, June 1, Day 8, Trains from Amsterdam to Hamburg, Germany

See my previous post for what happened when I got to Hamburg. We ended up staying in the hotel after dinner and I did some writing. It was really nice to take a day off from sightseeing. 

Monday, June 2, Day 9, Train from Hamburg to Copenhagen

Even when you try to do everything right, things still go wrong. I kept lecturing Seth on the importance of planning ahead and having an itinerary. I had one of course. The other thing that was important was that we had to make reservations for long train rides. I went to the train station in Amsterdam for something else and went ahead and made reservations for us to go from Amsterdam to Hamburg and then Hamburg to Copenhagen. 

We got to the train station early enough to have coffee and breakfast. When our train arrived, we found that a train before ours had been cancelled, so there were people sitting in our seats. Technically the people from the cancelled train weren't supposed to sit in those seats. They should have been our seats, but the people sitting in ours had a baby and we couldn't tell them to get up.

Miranda ended up standing up at least two of the five hours. I got up a couple of times and had her sit down so she could have a break. Toward the last half of the trip, we were both able to sit down. It was absolutely insane.

What was really sad about this trip is that I chose a train ride, even though I knew it was a long trip, so I could have the wonderful experience of the train. I wanted to write, look out the window and meditate on life. It just goes to show that life is what happens when you're making other plans. 

We arrived in Copenhagen that evening exhausted and it was so good to see my childhood friend Monique and her partner Henning at the train station. They took us to dinner and then back to their house where they hosted us for the next four nights. They have been wonderful to us. 

Something interesting that I've realized after this trip is that 10 days are the perfect number of days for a vacation. Not too many and not too few. The only exception would be if I stayed in one or two places for the duration of my vacation. Sadly, by the time I got to Days 9 & 10, I was all traveled out and too tired to keep walking daily. 

To be continued... 

The Great European Adventure 2025: The Halfway Mark

I originally started writing this on Thursday, May 29 on my way to Amsterdam from Brussels, but I didn't finish. Now here we are halfway done with this vacation, and I want to savor every last minute of these last days. We arrived last Sunday and Miranda and I leave on Friday morning. 

Vacations are like this. You go, go, go and find the days slipping by so fast. I originally said I was going to adopt the "slow travel" approach on this vacation. My definition for this term, as regards this vacation, was that I was only going to see one main tourist site per day and the rest of the time I was just going to go slow and savor the visit and the moments. I've been successful for the most part, but old habits die hard. There have been some days where I've tried to do more than one thing.

Today I'm doing something that I would have found unfathomable in the past. I'm in Hamburg and I'm not doing anything...But sometimes you need a rest day.

We took the train from Amsterdam to Hamburg to cut our trip to Copenhagen in half. We arrived this afternoon to a very stressful situation right off the bat. First, we couldn't get an Uber. They would accept the ride and then decline it immediately. We didn't understand why, then we found out. After several attempts and a potty break, we went to the train station and took a cab from there. It turned out that there were several road closures around the station and a 20-minute ride took over an hour. There was a terrible storm in the middle of the trip, including hail. We were just at a standstill, sitting in our cab during the deluge. The cab driver finally gave up when he saw the street to our hotel blocked and told us in German that our hotel was just down that street. We got out and walked the rest of the way. 

We rested for a little while in our hotel room and then we went out for dinner. I remembered that there's a lot of Indian food here, so Miranda found a great restaurant nearby. It was delicious and a great change. Now I'm in the hotel restaurant writing. 

Here is my recap of Days 2, 3, 4, and 5. This blog post is already going to be long, so I'll leave it at that for now and write more tomorrow. 

Me at the Museum David & Alice van Buuren-Brussels

Monday, May 26 and Day 2 in Brussels, Belgium

Miranda and I woke up a little late, had a quick coffee and croissant and set out to visit the Museum David & Alice van Buuren, recommended by our friend Linh. It was a beautiful home donated by this couple, similar to how the Rienzi and the Bayou Bend Collection were donated to the MFAH in Houston. The museum is beautiful exhibit of art deco furnishings and rugs. The gardens and the artwork inside are beautiful.

Afterwards we went to the Ixelles Ponds area to look at Art Neveau and Art Deco homes. Then off we went to meet up with the boys in the historic African part of town. The Church of Saint-Boniface in that area is gorgeous. 

By evening we found ourselves tired, but I didn't want to go to sleep. Instead, I went to a restaurant across the street from the hotel and had a couple of drinks while journaling and writing the first blog post of this trip. 

Tuesday, May 27 and Day 3, Brussels, Belgium

We met up with my friend Linh again. She's my college friend Tod's wife and we had dinner with them on our first night. We had breakfast with her, and then we set off and she gave us a walking tour of the area around the Magritte Museum and the history of the Brontë sisters time in Brussels. 

After our personal tour, Miranda and I went to the Magritte Museum, which is great, and I highly recommend it if you're a fan of Magritte and surrealist art.

We were so tired from waking up early and all the walking that we fell asleep when we got back to the room and then woke up and enjoyed a really nice dinner at a restaurant down the street from our hotel.

The boys checked out this day and went to Cologne, Germany.

Wednesday, May 28, Day 4, Ghent, Belgium

We got up fairly early, ate in our hotel, and set out to Ghent. We arrived in just enough time to check into our cute little hotel Flandria, We set off quickly to visit St. Bavo's Cathedral to see the Ghent Altarpiece. Amazing doesn't even start to describe it. It was so special to see a piece of art with so much controversy and history. I also saw the famous altarpiece by Rubens, "The Conversion of St. Bavo."

After St. Bavo's I made the mistake of choosing to walk to the museum of fine arts of Ghent. It was a really strenuous 30-minute walk, and I wore flats instead of good walking shoes, I was so tired by the time I arrived, but I soldiered on. We saw the panels of the altarpiece that are being restored, and we were amazed to find that it was all of the top panels! I had to go back and look at my pictures to see which ones were copies and which were the originals. They are in the last phase of a restoration project that has been going on since 2023.

The museum, called the msk, has quite an impressive collection of its own. Whenever I see artists I know I feel like I've bumped into an old friend. I felt that way when I saw the Magritte, Max Ernst, van Dyck and Rubens. 

The town is super charming and so walkable. We found a cafe where we had some great sandwiches for a late lunch, early dinner. That evening we had a drinks at a cute bar nearby and I watched a show before bed. 

Thursday, May 29, Day 5 Ghent, Belgium/Amsterdam, Netherlands

We woke up, had breakfast at our hotel, and set out to walk around town to some of the shops. We found a shop that had stamps, coins and old ephemera, like post cards. We also bought a few souvenirs in a couple of nearby shops. We had the elusive hot chocolate that we hadn't had a chance to try. We had to try it right before leaving Belgium. It was great!

Then off to the train station to catch a train, first to Antwerp and then another to Amsterdam. We met up with the boys in Amsterdam and stayed in the same hotel for a couple of days. They have been playing their music everywhere they go and meeting interesting people on the way.

After napping, we got up and went out for drinks and snacks with the boys and stayed out until 3:30 a.m. like I was young. I paid for it and had to sleep late the next day! 😂

Side note. One of the things I love the most about Europe is the architecture and I've been really enjoying the buildings and taking a lot of pictures. More tomorrow. 

The Great European Adventure 2025 - Day One, Sunday, May 25

 When Miranda and I went to Germany in 2017, I created a whole separate blog for that trip. I called it "Miranda's Sweet Sixteen." In 2017 I was blogging on average 12 blogs that year. I had already started my decline in blogging, but nothing like 2024, when I blogged twice. Therefore, I didn't feel the need to create a whole new blog about my trip with Miranda and Seth. I figured I'd dedicate a few blogs of Shoegirl Corner to the Great European Adventure 2025. 

I took Miranda to Germany for her 16th birthday and Rey was going to take Seth on his first trip to Europe when he turned 16 in 2020. We all know what happened in 2020. Seth got a truck instead. 

Life had changed so much in the past eight years. The kids are adults now and it seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. This is Seth's first trip to Europe at the age of 21. This trip is so special for that reason and because I have both my children with me. I'm traveling for a short period with both of them and for the entire two weeks with Miranda. 

Seth's good friend and bandmate Ethan joined us, and he and Seth are having the time of their lives, and we've only been here two days. 

Me and the Kids

A Picturesque Street in Brussels

We arrived in Brussels on Sunday and spent the day exploring central Brussels, not far from our hotel. Miranda and I met up with the boys at an Irish pub after brunch. We started feeling the jet lag bad, but we were waiting for our room to be ready at the check-in time, 3 p.m. We were exhausted, but we finally made it into our room, and I was able to take a shower and a short nap. 

We forced ourselves awake and traveled by metro southeast from where we are staying to have dinner with my college friend Tod, his wife and son. We had a wonderful time with them and the kids enjoyed meeting them after hearing so much about them. 

The boys went back out after dinner and enjoyed the nightlife in Brussels and met musicians who had been performing in a music festival. Miranda and I went back to the hotel to go to sleep. I was determined to get my sleep cycle back on track.

It was all around a great day, and I was ready for Day 2.