Thursday, November 11, 2010

At Least My Bladder Isn't Hanging Halfway Out of My Body

I wish I was the Bloggess. I wish I could write about hilarious personal things that are super embarrassing, but that people could actually relate to. But alas, I'm not brave enough, so this is all you get.

Let's just say I went to see a specialist today that had to look at my lady parts and I was all uncomfortable because I've seen the same OBYN for like, almost 20 years.  Dr. Miro is one of the best OBGYNs in the world, or at least Houston. He saw me before, through, and after both my pregnancies. I always tell people that he's such a great doctor that even the nurses from the OBGYN department at NW Memorial Hermann hospital see him. That says a lot about him!

So when Dr. Miro recommends a doctor I take his recommendation seriously. That's why I went to see this specialist for a little female problem that I'm having. I think I was in denial that he was going to check me down there. When he told me to undress from the waist down I tried to tell him I couldn't, but he didn't accept my excuse. So there I was naked from the waist down with not only a strange doctor about to peek inside, but also a strange nurse standing by. I've had both the same doctor and the same nurse all of these years. Yes, I'm spoiled like that.

First I was all complaining because I didn't have socks. Every time I go see Dr. Miro I have the courtesy of wearing socks, especially since I've been wearing shoes without socks all day and let's face it, my feet do not smell like roses. I wiped my feet with the Wet Ones I carry in my purse (yes I do) and then I wiped them down with a paper towel, but I was still uncomfortable. I was fine with my lady parts because let's just say, I am a strict believer in female hygiene and Wet Ones. When the nurse went out to check on the doctor I told her to find me a pair of socks too. I think that's when she realized I was a bit high maintenance. The doctor was already coming and asked what I needed and she told him I wanted socks. He looked puzzled at first and then just laughed at me.

Then for the best part, a little bonus surprise. He checked me and then I felt a sharp little prick and I yelped. The doctor said, "Sorry, that's the catheter." What the heck! He sure was good about explaining everything that he was going to do beforehand, with a pelvic model and all, but he never mentioned the catheter.

I'm serious y'all! He had the whole pelvic model and he was explaining how we are made and what happens to our pelvis and other parts when we have children, etc.. He was very detailed and he even drew pictures for me, but he never mentioned a catheter. He was very vague about that part.

I felt so violated! None-the-less, violated or not, he found out what the problem was and it wasn't as bad as he imagined it would be when I first explained my "issue." At first he was all talking about a more extensive surgery and in the end he said he could fix it quickly in a an outpatient visit. So come December I'll be having a little surgery procedure to correct my "female problem." There we go, I guess the catheter experience was "kind of" worth it.

When he finished I said, "Well good, I was picturing my bladder falling half way out of me, the way you described it," and he laughed politely, looked uncomfortable, and got away as quickly as possible. The nurse, an older African-American lady looked at me like I was crazy (she didn't hide it) and she just shook her head and laughed. I figure if he looks at lady parts all day he should be comfortable talking about it too. So there you go.


Sandra said...

Some men doctors..sheesh...what's a little bladder hanging out...
Love that you wipe your feet with Wet Ones. I should carry some in my purse too, I'm always in bare feet in my shoes, and you're right, ain't no rose smells coming from those!

Angie Gross said...

Loida, this is too funny. I can totally relate since I have worked in an Ob/gyn office for 7 years. It is good to hear the patient's side of the story! I need to go and get some socks for my patients!

ShoeGirl said...

Angie, Seriously, you should! I hate not wearing socks when the doctor is checking me. And Sandra, after having kids I became a wipies believer. But now that they are big I carry Wet Ones instead. They are great for everything! I hand the kids one after they eat something sticky in the back seat of our SUV before they spread their stickiness everywhere.

Nat said...

I am a firm believer about wearing socks too. I'm glad you are ok