I also realized that I haven't blogged here about my impending change. I blogged about it over on skirt! but somehow never managed to mention it here. I know it's because even though I know it's inevitable, and there really isn't anything I can do, I sill feel a certain amount of guilt bestowed upon on me by society. That feeling that I'm a failure, even if I know it's not true. Yes, I'm talking about divorce- that dreaded word that I haven't used until now.
My days are numbered and although we are getting along just fine right now, very soon I won't be married and I'll be Loida Casares again. It's been almost 14 years since I've gone by that name. I wonder if I still know that person.
As self-reliant as I am, and as much as I believe in keeping my identity, I can't take away the fact that I've been married for that long. In those 14 years I've been a wife and a mother. I believe that when we give birth we give away a little of ourselves, both physically and emotionally. We have to give away a part of our body in order to give life to our child. Then as we raise our children we give away part of ourselves emotionally. As a wife we compromise a little or sometimes a lot. It's part of being a mother and a wife, but now I'm only going to be a mother.
I'm going to move forward with the plans that I have for the house and for the kids. I'll be starting a home remodeling project and I'm going to finish editing my novel for self-publishing. I also have to start working on middle school tours and applications this fall for my daughter. Life goes on and I do know who I am for the most part. The parts I don't know I'll have time to figure out in this new chapter of my life.
Divorce is nothing to get yourself down about. It happens to the best of everyone and is a way to learn and grow as a person. I look forward in reading your self published novel.
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