Monday, May 06, 2013

Leap Fearlessly and Dare Greatly

Remember how it feels when you jump wildly into a cold pool or into a lake? Have you ever done that? When you do it you are leaping fearlessly into the unknown, especially if it's a lake. That is how I feel right now. I feel like I just took a fearless leap with my eyes closed.

From Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly
When I started thinking about leaving my job of sixteen plus years at the Houston Chronicle I couldn't stop. It was like this idea had just overtaken my mind and every time I tried to get it out of there I found myself doing other things instead. I was writing a Pros and Cons list. I was doing a budget. I was checking to see how much money I had in my savings. I was researching insurance. I knew then that I was going to do this.

I love the Houston Chronicle. Don't get me wrong. I learned A LOT during my years there and I still love what they do. I love that they put out a newspaper every day and that the entire city reads it at the same time. There's something magical about being a part of that for sixteen years.

But something else had happened and it wasn't just the Chronicle. It was me too. I was becoming steadily dissatisfied with my job. It was like a bad marriage where it wasn't just one person. It was both of us. I tried changing positions, thinking that maybe I could spice things up. But the truth of the matter was that there was nothing either one of us could do any more.

I applied at a couple of different places over the last few years, thinking that maybe a change of scenery would do me good. A few months ago I applied at a local organization that I really love and admire. I thought that it would be the perfect fit but unfortunately they didn't hire me.

It was after this last job interview that I told myself that I should just leap. I started listening to Brené Brown and her TED talks. I realized that the only way to really be true to myself and to have self-worth was to leap and to leap fearlessly.

I'm actually quoting Kelly Rae Roberts here too because she's the one who has this beautiful print on a frame that says "Leap Fearlessly." I gave it to my best friend when she got divorced and bought her first house a couple of years ago.

So here I am. Today is the first day of my freedom. I was talking to someone about my big step this morning and I realized something. I realized that when I was applying at another organization to get hired away from the Chronicle it was like I was waiting to get saved. And why? Why was I waiting for someone to come and save me when I could save myself?

That's what I've done! I have gone and saved myself and I have big plans this summer. I will be a stay at home mom with the children for the first time in both their lives. I will be available to have my dad come stay with me for a couple of days a week. Most importantly, I'm WRITING and I'm going to do some much much needed remodeling to my house. Finally, I'm launching Casares Communications part time. I say part-time but people are contacting me already about my services. I'm excited about the opportunities that will come my way!

I know it's a lot for the summer but I feel good about my choice. I feel like for the first time in a long time I'm in charge of my future and it's a good feeling. I'm glad that I took this fearless leap and I'm looking forward to this next chapter of my life.

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